15 things to do in K mart

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Fifteen Things to do at K-Mart while your spouse, partner, significant other is taking his/her sweet time:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people’s carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3 in housewares,' and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay-by.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?

9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

10. While handling knifes in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from mission Impossible'.

12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!'

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the foetal position and scream 'NO! NO! It's those voices again'.
And last but not least,

15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly ... 'Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!'

posted by  GreekWarrior

Lmfao

posted by  newyorker

Wow, I read this exact same joke about 6 years ago. :thumbs:

posted by  elchango36

Good stuff! Man the first one and the last one are great. And we all know there are atleast a handful of dumbass's that actually do that stuff, which makes it even funnier.

posted by  moostang104314

Man thats some funny stuff. Good job. :smoke:

posted by  speeder

I'm going to try #4 later tonight, I'll tell ya'll what happens later :laughing:

posted by  99integra

LOL! Nice one.

posted by  Nissan_Altima

Rickity-repost.

Greek=pwnt by the rerepostness olden old stuff

posted by  Zalight

I like #1, you pretty much can't get in trouble or kicked out, and you're garaunteed to embarass someone...

posted by  Mathew

In my Kmart they are near the pharmacy section and there is always someone there. How odd is it if i get 12 boxes of condoms. :laughing:

posted by  newyorker

I've never bought condoms at K-Mart, we haven't had K-Mart in about 10 years. I just substituted K-Mart for "The Real Canadian Superstore" or Walmart.

But thanks for telling everyone that you know where the condoms are located, because now we know what a stud you are. Very smooth. :clap:

posted by  Mathew

I buy them about twice a month or so so it kinda helps to know :thumbs:

posted by  newyorker

Are you collecting them? Condoms aren't really a collectible item, just so you know. They won't go up in value. :laughing:

posted by  Mathew

ROFL ROFL ROFL

ok ya, but is it sad if ive allready done a few of those, or at least close to those, before reading this?

those alarm clocks can be pretty loud

posted by  ride3k

Na not for collecting purposes. More for entertainment with that certain someone. :wink2: . Sounds to me like you wouldnt know much about that. Im just waiting for Steven's input at this point

posted by  newyorker

1. :fu: Dont be mad cause i get poon
2. Depends on how many times youve done them

posted by  newyorker

ok, that just proves that you get none, poon? you gotta be kidding

and ya, i do the alarm one almost everytime im in there, my gf thinks im a retard

posted by  ride3k

Shes right for thinking so. I said poon because its from the 40 year old virgin :laughing:
"I need some poooooooooooon" - Virgin :orglaugh:

posted by  newyorker

he said poon and he was a 40 year old virgin, coincidence I think not...

posted by  salimander13

:orglaugh: I'll try some of those in Wal-Mart, don't have K-Mart here either :laughing:

posted by  chris_knows

Im only 17 thought. I get my fair share of lovin :wink2:

posted by  newyorker

It just wont be the same :laughing: :joking:

posted by  newyorker

What, you make balloon animals with them? (or condom animals).

posted by  car_crazy89

Your hand doesn't count bro. :thumbs:

posted by  GreekWarrior

OH SNAP :laughing:

posted by  99integra

Well I'm happy to say I don't know where the condoms are in K-Mart, I didn't even know they sell them. Not that I'd want to know.

posted by  jedimario

Id love to say it right now, but I promised you that I wouldnt :laughing:

posted by  newyorker

Are you Asexual? :banghead:

posted by  newyorker

Do YOU know anyone with a gf that's asexual? I don't want to have sex untill I'm married, I'll never need a condom in my entire life.

posted by  jedimario

Oh so youre one of THOSE. Do you even know how to put one on? Care to tell some of the more unexperienced users here *cough*Steve*cough*(

posted by  newyorker

I've got a question...Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it? :laughing:
-Andy

posted by  chris_knows

Guess Neonboy. :doh:

posted by  jedimario

Is that a serious question? And I thought your name was Chris.

posted by  newyorker

He was quoting 40 year old virgin. Oh yeah on the collecting part. I do have a coca cola flavored one i kept.

posted by  Spanky2324

Don't even get me started

posted by  99integra

steve dont u have a gf?

posted by  Stem

have any of you been to college/university yet? you're not allowed to comment on sex until you've been....

posted by  Mk3golfer

Says who? Ive visited a few...

posted by  newyorker

Yeah I do, thats why I can't stand these gay jokes

posted by  99integra

You refer to your imaginery girlfriend as poon? I hope she doesn't read this cause you deserve a bitch slap.

posted by  Mathew

Who else agrees hes just saying this hoping someone will say it because HE doesnt know how to put one on?

posted by  PontiacFan27

Yeah well, I say good for you Jedi. Whenever I have talked to anyone who has done this (saved themselves till marriage) they ferel like they have done something special. :thumbs:

posted by  Zalight

Should I really give you a step-by-step tutorial? It might be something new to you. :banghead:

posted by  newyorker

ok NYer, its all good, we all believe you have gotten "poon".
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However lacking in quality.

posted by  Zalight

Hey Jedi, I don't think theres anything wrong with that. It's rare that you see guys who feel that way. I have alot of respect for them. Definitely more respect than guys who brag about getting laid. Usually the more they brag, the less their getting. This is just a girls opinion though. It may be different for guys.

posted by  SmileLines

sorry, double post

posted by  SmileLines

Its usually 6 times less than said. 6 means 1, 12 means 2, 30+ means none. :laughing:

posted by  newyorker

Ohh... okay. I never realized there was a system to it.Haha

posted by  SmileLines

There is a system to everything. There are rules that every guy must obey. It was in road trip I think. "Rules of Cheating".
By the way, how is that car search going? Im really interested. Did you see any of those sites I sent you?

posted by  newyorker

I didn't remember that part in Road Trip, but then again I haven't seen it in a few years. The car search isn't going that great. I called today on a couple of cars and they already sold them. But I'll find something. I didn't ever get a message with the sites. I guess it didn't send for some reason.

posted by  SmileLines

ahhhh...how cute, look at new yorker showing "interest" and bieng nice to the new chick on the forums.

Is funny :laughing:

posted by  Zalight

Yea I actually have a heart to take interest in other peoples lives, not just give my 2 cents and never speak again. Il send that PM again.

posted by  newyorker

cars are more important than sex... nice car leads to pretty girl, which then leads to a possible naked encounter ! :thumbs:

posted by  Mk3golfer

Whatever pal.

What PM?

posted by  Zalight

Dont worry about it. And dont worry about me and my girls. I get them because I respect them and know how to talk to them, and dont just try to get in their pants.

posted by  newyorker

Ouch...My pride..It hurts. lol :laughing:

I know I have told Steve my story and why I am desensitized to women, and why I haven't had a serious relationship in a year and 2 days.

posted by  Zalight

Why Steve? And maybe youre gay. That would explain going to Steve right away. :laughing: . Im kidding steve we know youre OK

posted by  newyorker

Cause hes a chill guy.

posted by  Zalight

The fact that you're trying to get with a girl over the internet proves to me, along with most of your other posts, that you aren't getting any at all. Its sad, really.

posted by  PontiacFan27

:wink2: Thanks bro

posted by  99integra

Im not trying to get with a girl from florida you ass. Just because you dont like women doenst mean that you have to try to insult everyone that does.

posted by  newyorker

Whatchu sayin about women down here :ticking:

posted by  99integra

Yea steve you aint bad.

posted by  newyorker

Reread what I said. Nothing they are sexy as hell.

posted by  newyorker

Or maybe he's just trying to be nice. You sound jealous :thumbs:

posted by  jedimario

i actually heard that list somewhere else, not sure where tho

posted by  shaun1608

Thank you :clap:

posted by  newyorker

No, I dont need to be fake just because a girl is around.

posted by  PontiacFan27

OUCH....

posted by  jedimario

Yea...youre a bad mother%$^#er. Im sure that gets you a LOT of girls. :banghead:

posted by  newyorker

I hope your poon didn't read that, it might get jealous...

posted by  Mathew

LMAO :laughing:

Sorry, but I had to laugh at that one.

posted by  SmileLines

Does it honestly matter who did what, who banged who, who used the vacuum for other purposes other than picking up dirt from the floor? Geez worry about your own poon not someone elses.

posted by  Spanky2324

En serio bitches.

posted by  Zalight

hahahah the vacuum....how about an oboe?(circa American Pie presents Band Camp)

posted by  dodgerforlife

I'll en serio all over you if you don't shut it. *Raises Ho-Slappin Hand*


www.hoslap.net

posted by  dodgerforlife

lol, You just wanted an excuse to post up that link. :laughing:

posted by  Zalight

yeaaaaaah pretty much. it was worth it though.

posted by  dodgerforlife

Funny...371 I got.

posted by  newyorker

393 mph :smoke:...I guess I'm just a better pimp than you :laughing: JP

posted by  chris_knows

415 bitches what!?!?! MY PIMP IS STRONG SON!

posted by  Zalight

i've gotten it up to 419 before....so eat my backhand.

posted by  dodgerforlife

Oh its on son.....Its on.

posted by  Zalight

HAHAHAHA!!!! 419 what now?

posted by  Zalight

425 hard to reach my next best was 410 then 402

posted by  salimander13

God damnit.....You know what its all good.

Cause Its not how hard you can hit your hoe, but how often you have to. I keep my bitches straight so I dont have to beat they ass. They go out to the track and bring that money back to they daddy and dont give me no lip while doing it. So I aint gotta smack them.

posted by  Zalight

haha, they way I keep ma behotches in check is I have one slapping ho and just hit her hard enough they all feel it.

posted by  salimander13

can you say 450 bitches lol yea.....its hard bein a pimp aaaahhhhhh lol yea right im deff not gonna be like that eff that lol

posted by  hhsrastler92

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