Might as well vent here

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If you're not in the mood for drama, quit reading because that's all this thread is going to contain.

Ever just have something you just had to talk about with someone, but would rather it not be with someone you see all the time? Now I understand why people post threads about their girlfriends and shit because sometimes you just have to do that.

Okay, going back in time almost four years ago to the late summer of 2002. I met this girl whose name I will withold that I went crazy over. She was friendly, kind to everyone, great looking, blah blah blah she's perfect. We got along great and were practically inseparable for almost eight months. Every day I saw her made my day that much better, made me happier and a better person, etc. But for some reason during all that time I never once made a move or tried to do anything to move our relationship beyond what it was, just a friendship. So I come to find out sometime in March of '03 that one of my best friends had beaten me to her, but no one else knew how I felt so he can't really be blamed for it.

So I made many dumb decisions, decided to stop talking with her because I was confused about stuff, didn't really know what to do. Dumbest decision I have EVER made in my entire life, but whatever. So, for the next two years, we're not talking but my good friend and her are getting along great, while I'm left to ponder my asinine decisions. I graduate in '05, she and my friend stay behind.

During the last year in college, I've tried to go out with other girls because I was tired of the way things had been the last two years. I didn't even go to my senior prom because of all that shit.

Moving on...

I found someone I had been going out with for a while, but to be honest I never really felt much in it and it didn't bother me that much when it ended not too long ago. There just wasn't any feeling there.

But today, I ran into the one from high school again. She's going to my university, which is really no surprise. I had really been hoping that maybe she had broken up with the guy during the year I was absent, but upon talking with him I come to discover that not only are they not detached, they've been dating so long he thinks they're "practically married". Just wonderful. Not only that, but my stupid decision still leaves her in silent mode whenever I come around. What a ****ing genius I was.

So now I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. What I had hoped for isn't there, and she still isn't talking. I don't know if I should tell her, try to be friends again, or just leave well enough alone. I wish I could go back and change all the dumb shit I did.

I'm not really seeking advice or replies, I just needed somewhere to vent my confusion and frustration. Fortunately CarForums is there to take the hit.
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posted by  hondaman

I'm in a similar situation right now actually...It's so confusing too...It's like part of you wants them to break up, but then you also want her to be happy...I'd suggest telling her. She'll know how you feel and what's the worst that can happen? But at least you'll be able to get it off your chest.

posted by  chris_knows

Yeah, it's pretty much exactly like that... :ohcrap:

I wish it was as simple as that. Problem is, he's a really nice guy and a good friend...I don't want to screw things up.

But then I really want her to know also and get all this off my chest...oh hell I don't know.
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posted by  hondaman

Understood.

So here is my story, which is somewhat similar but not exactly the same. Its still a "love lost" sort of thing.

I had met this girl, who shall be hereafter known as girl A, in high school and had always been physically attracted to her, but I never really talked to her that much for a number of reason which I don't feel like going into here, but mostly the fact that I had other G/F's to deal with. But anyway, the point is I was always attracted to her, and about 8 mos ago A friend had reintroduced us and we started hanging out a lot more. The more I got to know her the more I found myself thinking about her. She was such a great person, fun, happy, responsible, independent, strong, just a great human being....and she was damn hot to boot!

I found myself falling for her, and I knew she reciprocated these feeling but for some reason she was unwilling to act upon them. Until one fateful night that is, when she invited me into her bed with her. After that night we saw each other almost everyday, talked on the phone constantly, etc, etc. For about 3 months things were going sublime, but soon she stopped answering her phone outta the blue. She wouldn't call me back and it seemed she was avoiding me. but then when we actually would hang out she would be so happy to see me.

hey Steve, you remember what you told me in AIM about what happened with Kayla? And I said, sometimes all it takes is to see each other again and hold them in your arms? That's basically what happened here.

Needless to say this was fucking with my head. She would constantly avoid me, but when we did hang out she would be all over me. When I got fed up and confronted her she shed a tear and said "I'm sorry for the way I am"

I asked her what that meant and she didn't reply.

I didn't talk to her after that for about 3 months.

I moved on, found a great girl(girl B), again, hot, very independent, intelligent, funny, she has my same sense of humor, and it seems like we share the same thoughts and ideas somehow. And I forgot all about girl A. Until I saw her again.

I can honestly say that I love girl B, I really do. And I thought I was completely over Girl A, in fact I was pissed at her for doing what she had done to me. But for some reason I cant forget about Girl A... I saw her again, and all the feelings I had for her, came rushing back. that night I went home and couldn't sleep because I remembered her, her smile, her laugh, the way she would be concentrating so hard on something and I could make her falter with a smile and a shake of the head, the way she drank her coffee with both hands around the mug and a spoon still in it, the way her skin felt, the way her hair smelled when I would wake up next to her, the way she was shaking after we first kissed... That night I couldn't sleep because although I hated her for putting me through what she had but when I remembered all these things I remembered one thing:

I love her.

Obviously this has put quite a hamper on my relationship with girl B, I still am very happy with her, and when we are together its all there is. But now that girl A is back in my life things aren't so clear. I miss her and I can't help wondering what could have been, the "love lost" as it were.

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Anyway, I know you didn't ask for help but I felt like sharing my experience.

posted by  Zalight

I know exactly what you mean...all the while I was going out with the girl I had met in college I kept remembering the one from back in my high school days. I honestly think that's why it ended and why it didn't bother me, my heart was elsewhere.

Thanks for the reply though.
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posted by  hondaman

First to Dan #1 lol, bro you still may have feelings for her and all, but sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to for a reason, basically how life works, just don't tamper with your friends relationship, let them be happy with out someone trying to interfere with them (which i'm sure you wouldn't do but I'm just sayin), you'll find someone else bro, everyone has someone, she just wasn't it, think of it that way.

To Dan #2 (Abe), I remember what you said man, probably will always remember it too, because it showed me that she just forgot what it was like to be held by the one she loves the most, and I thank you for the advice you gave me, I guess you kind of have to do a comparison thing with the two, which one did/do you love the most? Which one did/do you have fun with the most? Which one can/used to listen to everything you said and helped you when you were down? Most importantly, which girl has more things that you don't like everything they like (music, sports, books, etc..) because having someone who doesn't like everything you do..can make your relationship better.

Just my :2cents:

posted by  99integra

Wow, sorry to hear about your situations guys.. I too know what it's like.

I still have a 'girl A' that I just can't get over (and it's been over a year, and I've tried a couple times). I can't stop wasting my time on her, as I eventually give up and cut off all contact and then she comes back to me only to 'lead me on' and screw me over again. We were really close and talked alot, hung out alot and shared almost everything, but I got tired of waiting, moved on and was then told she wanted me and started going out with a guy I knew to make me jealous.. but neither relationship worked out very long. Even my girlfriends got jealous of her, and everytime my relationships didn't work out, I'd be stupid and go back to her.

Recently we started talking again (she came to me), but there's another guy she likes and who likes her, and I keep getting brought in the middle.. we've been 'flirting' more then we used to, but she still goes back to him. Like this past weekend, she knew there was something different, but I kept denying it. She eventually got me to say it, then I walked away to get space to myself.

It had been months since we talked, and I moved onto this other girl ('girl B' I guess) and everything was going great.. but again, I got screwed over with her too (kind of my fault too, as I'm shy with girls..), and instead of just being friends, I was try and move on and break off all contact but later regret it, but by then it's usually too late.

It's all stupid and really frustrating.. and not very many people understand why I have a short temper lately (more or less because I keep to myself and would rather listen to others then explain myself). I still feel like I 'love' girl A (even after all this shit she's done), but now also really like girl B (even after getting screwed over.. by a friend who didn't know) and I have no idea what to do, I've explained myself to 'A' (many times) and feel as though I'm probably going to fall right back where I was with her again. I hate feeling like this, as one day I'll probably take it out on someone else for no reason and then who knows what'll happen.


But anyways, I know, shit happens, you just gotta move on and put it all behind you.. but sometimes it's just too hard...




I hope you all figure it out and that it all works out for the best in each of your cases.

posted by  car_crazy89

Thanks man, you're right I should just leave it alone. Maybe I'll try to restore our friendship because if nothing more, she was my best friend at the time.

I hope you're right, I thought for sure that she was the one at the time. Thanks Steven.

Perhaps we should make this an official "Screwed love life thread" or something. :ohcrap:
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posted by  hondaman

Well I might as well join...

My first relationship lasted 6 weeks, I'll just say we were both sure of we wanted before we'd had enough time to actually figure it out. I still liked her, but she figured out she didn't feel that way about me.

Second time around, almost exactly the same thing happened. Cept this time I'd talked to the girl on the phone every night for a couple of hours for about a month before the actual going out. It sucked more than the first break up, and well at that point I felt pretty bad. All this was about 2 weeks ago.

Now I don't know what to think, there's about 4 or 5 that I might consider, and the two I went out with (one of which has a bf) are included in that. I feel terrible about it cause I never wanted to be the type that went through girlfriends so quick, but at least I'm still friends with the exes. Basically I'm plannin on taking a break, the longer the better (to a certain extent). I guess if I've known someone for quite some time and we both want to, then sure, I'll go for it, but I still have feelings for people, and I'm just confused, sort of. Guess I'll just to grin & bear it for now.



As for hondaman (Dan, I think?), would it be a bad idea to tell your firend how you fell just so his gf doens't tell him? Could cause trouble, idk. Plus he'd probably want to know. So long as he knows you're not the gf stealing type, he shouldn't have a problem with it.

posted by  jedimario

carcrazy, I don't personally know girl A, but I can't see how I would find a girl willing to go out with someone else to make jealous a very attractive person. Again, I don't personally know her, but that's the way it'd generally go with me :2cents:

posted by  jedimario

wow, first and second relationships.

I feel very old for being so very young.

Maybe I am just a manwhore.

posted by  Zalight

lol, compared to most of the people I know, you indeed are.

posted by  jedimario

Yes, Dan. I just don't know...for now I think neither of them will find out. I'm not exactly sure how that conversation would work out.
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posted by  hondaman

Honderrrr(don't mind me, I'm half-pissed, so I hope this comes out coherent) - very shitty. I know how that feels, and it ****s with your mind day in and day out. The smallest thing can throw everything you gained away(moving on, not looking for "her" in other girls, etcetera). As for making dumb ****ing moves, I am the king PIMP of doing that. I need to count on both hands(and probably more, I'm not too sure right now haha) how many times I ****ed myself over with something that seemed smart at the time, but in hindsight ,was absolutely retarded. The names...not important anymore...the faces, they still come back and kick me in the ass every now and then.

For instance, Shannon. Her eyes drove me nuts, they showed everything with her. I completely ****ed my chance with her up, for no apparent reason(I'm still not sure what I did to this day!), yet those eyes screw my mind up. The closest thing I can come up with for comparisons sake is Mischa Barton, who plays Marissa on the OC. She is singlehandedly the reason why I watch that show, because those eyes are so close to Shannon's....I could lose myself in them and forget about everything else...nothing else mattered, I was in my own world when I looked into her eyes. I mean, Shannon also had a great personality, a sense of humour, brains, and was good-looking, but those eyes were what pulled me in... But I lost it all. Over something stupid I'm sure. She just dropped off the face of the earth when it came to me. **** yes, that hurt, **** yes, I would still go out with her in a heartbeat. But if there was another girl, **** Shannon. She ****ed with my mind enough, so I wouldn't want to deal with that shit again.

Anyways, enough rambling.

What I'm trying to say is that if she isn't yours now, and you have someone else, then don't bother with her. Who knows, you could possibly be involved in a relationship that could last the rest of your life, and if you went with "A", you might break up, and not have "B" at all then....










****, just ask me to clarify anything tomorrow if something doesn't make sense. 24 wobbly pop >= me.

posted by  dodgerforlife

You don't want advice...sure you don't.

You're still fresh to the college scene, right? You should use your past mistakes as modivation to not make a mistake like that again in what will be your BEST CHANCE FOR RELATIONSHIP ACTION years. Highschool dating is nothing compared to a college atmosphere.

Don't kill yourself yet. That girl who put you in the friend zone has changed since highschool. Sure, ya boy says they're "practically married", but few highschool relationships last through the temptations of college. ESPECIALLY if he's not there. Chances are they will split.

But...BUT...this only matters if you're willing and ABLE to produce an entertaining "more than friends" relationship. All college girls want to be entertained, and that nice, boring, "won't touch me" gentleman won't get her pulse racing or hold her attention. Most of those guys sit back and watch in agony as this perfect girl waste her time on those assholes who treat her like sh*t and only want to have sex. They're no good, right?

We've all gone through the "should I tell her my feelings?" episode. Well, don't tell her. It will spoil your chance at her and throw you back but deeper in a weirder friendzone. You have a great oppurtunity on your hands. I'll explain.

You haven't talked to this chick for 2 years or something right? Good, because now she doesn't know you anymore. You aren't "friends". You can create and entire new perception of yourself and your intentions. You shouldn't say more than "hey" until she looks single. Don't ask your friend because it looks planned. Matter of fact, if you really want to be a scumbag, don't talk to him either. This way you can attempt to avoid breaking a man code: Don't get attracted to your friend's girl.

In the meantime, you should practice not being friends with a girl. I say this because you have to make a move or display your attraction quickly because you were once friends with this chick. If you see her, ask her if she's going to a party. If she says yes, talk about seeing her there. Once there, drink a little to develop a little "I don't give a f*ck", then approach her and dance with her. You don't generally dance with friends...not like that. Don't get too sleazy because then you'll seem drunk...and sleazy. SO unattractive.

If you can't dance or a situation like that somehow doesn't occur at your college, find another way. Just remember, don't get mushy or talk about the past...ya know, when you guys were friends? Shouldn't bring that up.

It also wouldn't hurt to show her (don't tell her) that you're interested in girls. Not saying she thinks you're gay, but some girls feel like some guys are 'different' and she may be afraid of you rejecting her, and she put you in the friend zone to avoid embarrassing herself.

Be a normal guy. Don't put her in akward space by revealing your feelings.

Also, lift weights because you may be walking into an ass-whipping.

posted by  What?

Wow What that was actually pretty good :wink2:

posted by  99integra

You're surprised?

posted by  What?

Why must you put so much drama in your life? If there's something I have learned about relationships, its if there is a problem, solve it. First off, This girl from the past that you think you love, she's been with the same guy for what, 3 years now? I would think they are most definately in love, and practically married as you said? What gives you the right to step in and add drama to their lives? Think of it from his point of view (your friend). He's very happy with her, and you coming in and interfering is going to make him defensive and jeopardize your friendship. Everybody has old feelings from past relationships, but you have to move on. Dating a girl who you don't really like that much isn't that great either. If I was you, Iwould live the single life, concentrate more on your hobbies, have fun at parties and not worry about being commited to one girl, let yourself get over the original girl...and one day the RIGHT girl will come along.

And if the original girl ever does break up with her boyfriend, going to her would be a big mistake. You would be the best rebound opportunity available, and you would only get hurt in the end.

Remember, old flames and relationships stay with you forever...your first crush, your first kiss, the first girl you slept with. Its normal, because they are a part of you. But you have to think of your current life, not the past.

posted by  Mathew

Kinda sorta, I thought "bitches" would have been included in the thing

posted by  99integra

Don't take advice from this guy. He doesn't understand women. Just "solve it"? Women aren't math problems. Relationship problems aren't as simple as having a sit down with a pencil and pad and completing the equation.

If I would have said the "B" word, the point would have been missed. Besides, the "B" word is derogatory and shouldn't be used as it may cause some to be offended and cause an unnecessary breakdown in communication.

posted by  What?

A.K.A flame war central :wink2:

posted by  99integra

Thanks for the advice people, it genuinely is appreciated.

The entire situation is not bothering me as much as it initially was, mostly I think it was just the initial shock of seeing her again.
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posted by  hondaman

I didn't say women are math problems, dumbass. I'm saying that problems have solutions, you just have to find them. Sometimes the solution is tough but you just have to deal with it. It works out best in the long run.

posted by  Mathew

You honestly think that? It sounded to me like he was tellin him how to steal the girl...

posted by  jedimario

No matter what I say or do, you will always go against me. Because of this, f*ck you.

posted by  What?

Also, f*ck editing. I'd rather waste another post.

posted by  What?

Actually no, I won't. You could change your ways and stop doing things like explaining how to steal a girl from another guy, then I wouldn't go against you.

posted by  jedimario

A key part to my advice is waiting until she is single. This isn't stealing motherf*cker. I would never explain to him how to steal a girl. If he couldn't get romantic in 8 months, why would I expect him to pull off a theft? He's not that advanced and theft is dishonorable. To steal his boy's girl would be breaking a man code.

To date a friend's ex-girl is also breaking man code, but this is why I suggested him not be friends with his friend anymore to by-pass the code. But as a man, I'd rather see him date a different girl.

posted by  What?

Some advice: Whether you want it or not...

The main problem with men and women alike, is we seem to always want what we can't have. It's a sick carousel of feelings and misconceptions. Life is confusing enough. Instead of pondering on what could have been, be happy for her and your friend. You never know what the future holds. You're still young, who needs to worry about things like this?

Mend your friendship with her. I'm not saying go all psycho stalker on her. I'm saying start talking to her again. Keep your feelings to yourself and only reveal them if indeed she becomes available again. You'll feel better in the long run knowing that you didn't completely miss the chance to have someone like this in your life. It's worth the risk.

Enjoy life, it's for living. Date often and see what else the world holds. We live in a huge ocean of opportunity and there are many fish in the sea. You'll be happier that you did and it will make you appreciate what you have in the future if you do. You won't constantly be thinking about "the one who got away" and "what if's". You won't be pondering the fact that you only went out with a few people and wonder if you settled down too fast.

As someone said before (I'm I firm believer that) everything happens for a reason. Take this opportunity to explore the world around you. Open your eyes and your heart to other possibilties. :thumbs:

posted by  97Talonchik

Well ya coulda mentioned that...or did you just change your mind?

posted by  jedimario

I did mention it.

posted by  What?

I hate to bring up the past and sh*t, but I was thinking about people who tried to sabotage my perfection, and Jedimario (one of the hundreds of people dedicated to me), never apologized for wrongfully accusing me for the things I pointed out in the above post.

I'm waiting.

posted by  My Life, My Era

Are you sure you're not just trying to start an argument? I'll leave this thread for the time being, but it'll be closed if it gets out of hand.

posted by  Cliffy

the thing about threads like this, is that you read the whole thing, and then remember its old, and then you feel like adding something, then you realize its too late to do so

now im wondering what happened to zalight again, :ohcrap:

posted by  nighthawk

Yah I miss zalight and me and him have a race to settle.

posted by  Enthusiast

Holy crap, I thought this thread looked familiar.

I found someone else. :wink2:
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posted by  hondaman

realize its too late to do so? if i felt like it, i would add a few stories of myself here, but im not in the typical mood at the moment. i could start telling the story of the new girl im going out with, Alexandra, but i dont know. guess its still too early to go around telling it in here... i bug my friends enough with it already :thumbs:

maybe in the week ill tell the story of my ex-gf when im bored.

posted by  Inygknok

Like we haven't heard.

You seem to be very weak in relationships. I don't see why you like "untamed" Puerto Rican women.

If you want, you can lay in front my door and I'll walk over you at least 6 times a day.

posted by  My Life, My Era

OK

So... I thought I'd add my 2cents in this. I didn't read the second page... (got kinda bored with the boohoo of relationships after the main thread writers thingy...) but you know what you should always remember.... There are like 4 BILLION people in the world (give or take however many.... But my point is a lot)!!!!

If one doesn't work out... I know it hurts A LOT! but you have to keep in mind... That if it's meant to be, it will.

I was with my ex for 3yrs on and off... he was a COMPLETE a$$hole... but I for some reason convinced myself I was in love. He made me feel like sh!T all the time... but for some reason when he'd break up with me I kept going back.

It's been almost 2yrs since the last time we broke up and now I've been with my present bf for 6months and we're still doing excellent.

POINT BEING


even when at the time you feel you're going to die alone. ALWAYS try to tell yourself that there are so many other people in the world... You'll always find someone better than the last!

posted by  MNTT

Thanks, but the situation has long since been resolved. I did indeed find someone else! :wink2:
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posted by  hondaman

Why do women give cliche relationship advice?

Women like you rarely change. You will most likely continue to return to a horrible relationship as long as your partner will accept you back. Your current boyfriend is probably treating you like sh*t, but you don't realise it because you are conditioned to SUPER sh*t. And no...the slapping isn't normal.

How is your relationship with your father?

posted by  My Life, My Era

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