25 Ways I Like To Impress The Girls

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1.When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this will
keep her on her toes, and girls love That.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness(or
if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries.
This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls
are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she
is say "you better be" , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This
will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be
her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and
every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when
she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because
jewellery is for pus$y's and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she
is, stare into her eyes mouth the words fcuk you and grab the other
girls arse. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she
thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire
yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and
now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When
she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean
over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those
special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your
jacket...then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say
"if you don't stop b*tching about the cold right now you're going to be
b*tching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the
bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the
party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet.
Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10
minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home
and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her
self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep
down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes,
earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the
pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt
and say "No she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy
that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a
spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell
on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm
talking about.

22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no.
This way she'll think you're mysterious.

23. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her
material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is
that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she
can ever get.

24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just
whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know
she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the
present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this
one that much but I think it's funny.

25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will,
promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This
will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call
you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really
excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny.

posted by  GreekWarrior

Obviously that was supposed to be funny, but it was actually quite sad. Sexism is a pretty major issue these days, and many boys are growing up learning to treat women as objects. I know you're going to say "oh get over it, it was only a joke", but I think that this represents the attitude of many youth, though not as exagerated. Shame on you, I really hope you didn't write this yourself. :2cents:

posted by  Mathew

If it's any consolation to you, he doesn't write anything himself except "Welcome to CF:thumbs: ".

posted by  vwhobo

That's probably copy and pasted too. He probably can't take the time to write that over and over.

posted by  Benson

Mathew, yes it was a joke, as if you would do that stuff to a girl. But fair enough matt.

Hobo and benson, ofcourse I didn't write it myself and I don't even write "welcome to carforums" anymore if you haven't noticed, so why even post in this thread?

posted by  GreekWarrior

26. Whip out your cock and smack them in the face with it while they make you a pie and give birth in their apron.


I posted the same thing on a bunch of other forums.

The list, not number 26.

posted by  Zalight

...seems to me like sexism is less an issue today than it used to be... get over it--it was pretty tongue-in-cheek... :roll:

gw, i thought it was damned funny.. let's start a thread for sexist jokes now...:wink2: :laughing:

posted by  dodger65


posted by  SyntheticTrust

:orglaugh: :orglaugh: It was funny. I don't mind when women make fun of men, it should be taken lightly...The real reason guys make fun of girls is because we're jealous. Honestly, girls are nicer, cleaner, more organized, smarter, etc (At least in most cases lol). I've heard/read tons of jokes like this and I'm still chivalrous(sp?) to girls...

posted by  chris_knows

in the past 100 years everything has changed for women. You can't even tell me that sexism is a problem now. Women have gained equal rights to men, and now have even surpassed them. How many men are prosecuted, tried, and convicted of sexual harrasment?
Now compare that to how many women, although it does happen, compare the ratio between the two.

Many women are senators, own business, run single-parent families, and no longer sit at home waiting for the "working" husband to come home and beat them.
In fact, i read an article a while ago that many men feel "shamed" so to speak; because of the salary difference between their wives and them.

Not to mention the domestic violence issue. Although chivalry has steadily declined over the past 300 years, so has domestic violence cases.
Many husbands from the 1930's would basically beat their wives and were rarely ever punished for doing so. Quite frankly, you see cases on cops, here and there, but its not something that takes place in the common household. Thousands of men go to jail every year for directing violence towards women.

Quite frankly, women earn more and more well-deserved respect year in and year out. It is know "common thought" (and rightfully so) that women are equal to men.

No shame to him, because sexism is barley even an issue nowadays. Shame on you for not having a decent sense of humor.

posted by  Spade

I would never do any of those things but i laughed my ass off. So, since you knew it was coming -get over it, it was only a joke. :mrgreen:

posted by  Lizard King 6B

I always take this sort of thing light heartedly, it's like the old blonde jokes, lol

posted by  Cliffy

what do you do when a blonde throws a Grenade at you????

Pull the pin out and throw it back

posted by  True_Brit

I've heard them all before, that one works with the old 'irishman' jokes, too, lol. Why did the blonde take sand paper to the desert? Coz she thought it was a map...

posted by  Cliffy

I only need 1 way to impress the women: Show Up.

They just have to see me. I don't even have to talk.

posted by  What

....b/c once you open your mouth, it's just another painful memory...:wink2: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

posted by  dodger65

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

run cuz she's got the grenade in her mouth :laughing:

posted by  Spade

dont show that thing to some guy that just found a girlfriend

posted by  starscream0

Why don't women need watches?

Because there is a clock on the oven.

Why don't women need drivers licenses?

There's no roads between the kitchen and the laundry room.

The difference between bigfoot and a smart woman?

Bigfoot has been spotted.

posted by  Scolson

:clap: :clap: :clap:

posted by  SyntheticTrust

why do brides wear white?

b/c you want the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator...

what do you tell a woman w/ 2 black eyes?

nothing you haven't told her twice already...

do you know why women have smaller feet than men?

so they can stand closer to the stove/sink/etc...

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
you know i'm just playin':mrgreen:

posted by  dodger65

LOL.. That second one is just wrong :thumbs:

posted by  SyntheticTrust

How do you know when a women's about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

posted by  True_Brit

haha, but not if it's a Yorkie!!

posted by  SyntheticTrust

Nice find, I've saw this on many other forums actually... and also doing a Google search for the topic title, CarForums has the first Google result.

Heh, http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=ie7&rls=com.microsoft:en-US&ie=utf8&o e=utf8&q=25+Ways+I+Like+To+Impress+The+Girls+


posted by  Jordan Pardy

well, some of those weren't funny, some of them were...:2cents:

posted by  jedimario

:clap: :clap: Now that's a good one! :mrgreen:

posted by  Jordan Pardy

thank you, thank you.... i'm here all week... tip the veal and be sure to try your waitress...:hi:

posted by  dodger65

:tomato: :joking: :laughing:

posted by  starscream0

How do you get to a mans heart?
With an axe or a knife

Fact: Men are living proof women can take a joke

What do you call the useless fatty tissue at the end of the penis?
A man

What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.

How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.

If you think he's listening to you, you're wrong he's trying to convert what you just said into something with a sexual connotation.

Men lie about their jobs, drive cars they can't afford, wear toupees and loose shirts that hide their stomachs, and say they want a "real woman"...

Men and women were created equal, but women continued to improve.

Why do men die before their wives?
They should.

How do you confuse a man?
You don't have to - they're born that way.

Woman: "I got a set of golf clubs for my husband"
Friend: "GREAT trade!"

How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

posted by  97Talonchik

:orglaugh: HEY!

posted by  99integra

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