Anyways, my mom brought home this paper as a joke. Here is how it goes
New Company Policies:
New company policies
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada Shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially, and therefore do not need a raise
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Each employee will recieve 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for your dead friends, relatives, or co-workers. Every efford should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work though your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is not a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After yuor second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
Normal people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced mean, to maintain their average figure
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast
We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggrivations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company and have a nice day :-)
the toilet bit might work:laughing:
I'd make a funny face if a camera was about to take a picture of me on the crapper :laughing:
im sure i wouldnt be smiling on the trumpet so im mentally o.k
LOL, that was funny.
I would....but then, I'm insane...:tard:
There is a difference between being insane and retarded
yay i got it right!!! dee dee dee!!!
Iused that smillie as it was as close to insane as I found! :laughing:
Congrats on spelling retarded correctly, too! :tard: :laughing: