have you heard of those new saddam shirts? necks a little tight but hangs
Saddams mrs rung him up, he 'hanged' up!
What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from
How do you play Iraqi bingo?
How many folks were in Times Square for the New Year's Eve celebration? ... Here in the United States they celebrate by dropping a ball off a roof. In Iraq they celebrate by dropping the dictator through the floor (David Letterman)
I don't know why all the hostility to Saddam Hussein - I met him once and he seemed pleasant enough. In fact I'd say he was just the sort of guy I'd like to "hang out" with!
What did Saddam get for christmas?
he thought it was a skipping rope
he was wrong
I found only this one funny lol.
Here's some Letterman "Top 10 Lists" for Saddam:
Top Ten Strategies Of Saddam Hussein's Attorneys
10. Play up the "at least he didn't do steroids" angle
9. Pin everything on Saddam's scheming brother, Larry Hussein
8. Answer every charge with, "No, you're thinking of Iran"
7. Explain he was driven insane by the intense flavor of new Spicy Nacho Doritos
6. Brand prosecutor's list of 12,000 witnesses as "flimsy"
5. Brighten mood by calling to the stand the always charming Tony Danza
4. Request one of those "confined to your 153-acre estate" punishments like Martha got
3. Give Saddam white suit and turkey leg--make him hilarious Boss Hogg-like figure
2. Let Saddam Hussein go nuts and execute everyone in the courtroom
1. "If the underpants don't fit, you must acquit"
Top Ten Reasons Saddam Hussein Loves Doritos
10. Three-cornered chips remind him of the Sunni Triangle
9. Chemical Ali taught him how to convert the spicy powder into a nerve agent
8. The "crunch" sounds like the breaking of a dissident's bones
7. Pringles are for Kurds
6. They are corn chips of mass deliciousness
5. Goes perfectly with a tall glass of camel milk
4. Endorsed by his favorite late night television host, Al-Asaad Muhammed Leno
3. "Cool ranch" flavor is a preview of the paradise that awaits a martyr
2. When beard is full of orange crumbs, he can do hilarious "Yosemite Saddam"
1. Delicious taste allows him to momentarily forget he'll spend eternity in hell
Top Ten Ways To Cheer Up Saddam Hussein
10. Let him oppress just one Kurd a few hours a week
9. Surprise him with a year's supply of mustache dye
8. Bring him his old "World's Greatest Dictator" mug
7. Laugh at his impression of Syrian President Bashar Al-Assad
6. Give him a collection of hilarious "Yo mullah's so fat" jokes
5. Remind him his one permitted phone call saved him 15% on his car insurance
4. Membership in the "Falafel of the Month Club"
3. Show him some of them "Hey, Vern" movies
2. Package of new underpants
1. Three words: Los Angeles jury
Top Ten President Bush Excuses For Not Finding Weapons of Mass Destruction
10. "We've only looked through 99% of the country"
9. "We spent entire budget making those playing cards"
8. "Containers are labeled in some crazy language"
7. "They must have been stolen by some of them evil X-Men mutants"
6. "Did I say Iraq has weapons of mass destruction? I meant they have goats"
5. "How are we supposed to find weapons of mass destruction when we can't even find Cheney?"
4. "Still screwed up because of Daylight Savings Time"
3. "When you're trying to find something, it's always in the last place you look, am I right, people?"
2. "Let's face it -- I ain't exactly a genius"
1. "Geraldo took them"
Top Ten Questions Asked By Saddam Hussein When He Was Captured
10. "Be honest...have you ever seen a nicer spider hole than this?"
9. "Who's got a coat hanger -- this beard itches like a son of a bitch!"
8. "Anyone have a mint?"
7. "Is this about the illegal music downloads?"
6. "Am I going to be on 'Cops'?"
5. "Which describes me better right now -- 'haggard' or 'grizzled'?"
4. "How did you get past my impenetrable styrofoam brick?"
3. "Do I get the 25-million-dollar reward?"
2. "How's the war going?"
1. "Will you go easy on me if I tell you where Martha Stewart is hiding?"
Top Ten Way Saddam Hussein Celebrated His 67th Birthday
10. Entertained by stripper dressed as U.N. inspector
9. Visits from wives 1, 3 and 12 and Sean Penn
8. Arranged fleas on his chest to form number "67"
7. Thanked Allah he wasn't drafted by the San Diego Chargers
6. Wondered why Uday and Qusay haven't called
5. Spent a little time in the "spider-hole," if you know what I mean
4. Folded old death warrants into festive birthday hats
3. Cell-mate popped out of giant falafel
2. Realized he's one year closer to going to hell
1. Pretty much just sat there
There were a couple more, but these were the funniest.
I must say I have never been able to even raise a grin at David Letterman's supposed humour. It's probably just a cultural difference.
i dont even know the bloke (ive heard of him but i havnt heard of what he does!!!)
He isn't that funny, other than his "Top 10 Lists"...
It probably is a cultural difference though...
True_Brit, David Letterman's kinda like Jay Leno (in profession). If you don't know who Jay Leno is, Jay Leno is similar to Graham Norton. lol.
Letterman, Leno, Daly,...all suck when compared to Conan. That man needs his own network.
Doesn't Conan get "The Tonight Show" when Jay retires in '09 or something?
The only reason I have watched some parts of his shows, is because I find
myself unable to sleep and start channel surfing Foxtel. He comes across as
contrived, insincere and too clever by half and has a very poor
understanding of how to deliver ironic humour. If he wasn't a survivor
you'd be forgiven for thinking he was a dimwit or locked into a grade three
His Saddam jokes are poorly executed.....