My life is over.

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Well, for some strange reason, I have until today suffered under the dilusion that McDonald's would be a novel place to work. Today I had my "orientation", at which time I travel to some distant restaurant and sit in their basement by the freezers and fill out my tax papers. Sound like hell? You can only imagine.

After completing my forms for taxation, I was given my Golden Arches attire. It's a nasty little tan, button-down dress shirt with a gay, little "M" on the chest pocket. Of course, I have to have solid black shoes, so I figured that Payless would have the nasty little sneakers I was looking for. Did they ever. Not a large selection, mind you. A variation on the same nasty shoe. You know the type- old folks wear them with suits to the 4:30 Early Bird Blitz at Denny's? Well, mine are the just about the ugliest things you couldn't imagine. Velcro. Yes, I said velcro. I suppose my sick fascination with velcro shoes goes back to my depravation of velcro as a child. Mother would never let me buy the velcro tennishoes- the real cool ones. You know, the ones with the lights in the rubber soles and Rubber Power Rangers on the side? Nevertheless, she contended that velcro shoes were the type of shoes that retards wore. Far be it from me to want to be a retard, I gave in and accepted the fact that I would be relegated to lace-up shoes for the remainder of my k-3 career. I suppose my refusal to learn how to tie shoes until the age of 8 resulted in my passive resisted against laces, ultimately in my quest for the velcro shoe.

Now I know why she'd never let me buy them. I'm clodhopping them right now as I write- in fact, I'm wearing my whole fancy Golden Arches getup. (It's in a hopeful, yet most likely futile attempt to trick myself into believing that the outfits are in fact uber-stylish and that they won't be an endless source of ridicule.) I have to wear this out in public tomorrow. At least people can respect my tie. It's a clip-on. That's respectable, isn't it? I think it's rather a good idea, for everyone who doesn't know how to tie a tie (like myself). Yes, I admit it. At the hallow age of sixteen, I still refuse to learn how to tie a tie. You'd think that I'd break down and learn how to tie a knot every eight years (i.e. shoes at 8, tie at 16, noose at 24 if I'm still working at McDonald's...), but it all goes back to my depravation from velcro. And now I have it. And all I want to do is know how to tie a tie and return these damned, nasty-ass shoes to Payless and get back my $19.99! I bought a belt there, too. It looked plenty cheap, and I certainly couldn't have told you it cost any more than it's far fetched asking price of $12.99.... So I got that one, too! And guess what. Payless sucks. I hate the shoes- not only are they balls to the walls ugly, but they make my feet sweat like whoa. And, just when I really needed my luck to turn around, Payless came through for me by selling me a belt too large to fit through conventional belt loops. No wonder they sell close-out shoes and the like. BECAUSE THEY SUCK! Silly me for not realizing that the shoe world's veritable lepers are sent for their undeserved second chance to Payless.

And my outfit. My whole ensemble, when assembled to the best of my velcro-wearing capability, reminds me of some trashy white man with a mullet who's a McDonald's lifer and has been a "crew member" so long, that he has taken his salary from $5.75 all the way up to.... $11.50 or so, by which time Corporate McDonald's has convinced you of the fact that there is no life better than the one you strive to escape at McDonald's, as well as convincing you that that creepy petafile-type clown, Ronald, is the only one left that you can truly count on. That is what my outfit reminds me of. The velcro. The clip-on tie. The polyester shirt that's too small. The sand-paper, pleated black pants from hell. THE VISOR I DO NOT YET HAVE!!!! All in all, my getup has me thinking of nothing other than, "Smile is the universal greeting. Older stock goes out first. One napkin per order item + one extra. If no drink is specified, suggest a Coke. Quitting McDonald's is not at all what you want to do. All bags are to be placed in dispenser with the flap up and exposed. 15-25 seconds for a runner order preperation time. Kill yourself before it's too late. Is one ranch sauce enough for your Chicken Select Strips?"

I haven't even worked my first real day and I already want to quit. I just have to keep in mind that I'm doing this for my car. It's all for my car. ALL FOR MY CAR! THE VELCRO AND POLYESTER AND NAPKINS AND BIG MAC SAUCE ARE ALL FOR MY CAR!!!!

Sorry for the rant. I figured yall'd like to get a laugh at the expense of my poor existence. :oops:

posted by  Patrick

:orglaugh: :orglaugh: All for a good cause :driving:

posted by  importluva

:orglaugh: Wow I needed. I just turned down a job today (what was I thinking) Feel kind of blue about it. This thread made me feel better, sorry you feel bad Pat.......... this also gives me a chance to use this saying:

"Would you like fries with that?" j/k bro. Hope it all works out

posted by  Voda48

Just keep in mind why you are working and you will be fine. Good luck with the polyester and Payless shoes :laughing:

posted by  vniles100

Everyone starts somewhere...I assure you, you will come away in the least with humorous memories from working at McDonald's. It's not as bad as you think. Your friends will show up and expect some know they will. And if they get to laugh all the way to the's cash flow!

posted by  BavarianWheels

ouch...have you seen the movie Super Size Me? if you did it would make you want to quit McDonald's in a flash...but hey, its for a good cause! just keep with it and you'll end up making the $$. :thumbs:

posted by  SuperJew

Kinda like the one for my job...

"Paper or Plastic?"

Ahh yes, being a bager for a supermarket. Is there anything worse? (well, by the first post in this thread, YES!) Don't feel so bad man. Maybe you'll end up like me and be able to up your status in no time. I've been a bagger for maybe 3 weeks now, and I soon might just be a Stocker. That's an extra quarter an hour and all I work is 5-10/10:30 (depending on the truckload).

In the good words of Tupac Shakur, "you got ta keep ya head up." :thumbs:

posted by  Satty101

Amen. That man was a lyrical genius

posted by  Voda48

Ouch man, but it's all for a good cause. As for the tie? I didn't learn how to tie one untill 18, that was sad. =P

Man, my first job sucked, I worked as a dishwasher in a big restaurant. The pay was wicked nice, but I couldn't stand the job. (Starting pay for dishwasher was 11.50/hr + 1.50 hr end of the year bonus, came out to like 800.00 bucks cash, hell yeah!) Anyways, it was the worst job I ever worked. 13 hour days, being slopped with all sorts of crap ass food. There were stations,
Unloading Dishes- Burn your hands, and push a big ass cart 1600+ plates on it through large crowds
Dish pit- It was called a dish pit because that's what it was. Dishes and all the slop on them were thrown in there, go in with a white shirt, come out food tie dye.
Runner- Running dishes out, best job, you could slack all day and they didn't car.
Pots&pans- If you got ahead, it was wicked nice, sat there for awhile, if you got backed up.. you were f'ed royally because small workspace.
So at anytime there were like 10 of us in there working, and it sucked. 90+ degrees all day, and it was.. horrible, except when the boss went away, and they didn't care what we did. We would each go get a pitcher and make milkshakes in them and chill out and do nothing, it was great. 13.00 an hour to eat food.. heh.. But, then there were nights were drunks would get pissed because they couldn't get in and starting breaking stuff.. and we wouldn't get home untill 2-3am because of all the work to do, and it was terrible.

Oh well.. as for working and the Mickey D's, well... car man.. think car.

posted by  Diomedes

Ask for a McRaise :hi:

posted by  DodgeRida67


Well, folks, I figured I'd update you on my life. Today was my first day at McDonald's, and what a day it was. Wake up at 8:30 and put on my hellacious uniform. I head in at 9:55, my shift starts at 10:00. Staff trainer Tia takes my papers from yesterday's orientation and files them under God knows what back in the "Manager's office"- more like a little rathole with a computer placed too high to be useable while sitting down, but too low to use while standing up.... (I suppose it works best for my store owner- she's a behemoth at a towering 4' 11'', if I had to guess. All I know is that I'd never want to try to use it at 6' 1". I pray to God that I never have to (If I did, that would mean I was a manager and then my life would not be worth living.))

So, my first order of business was having STAFF TRAINER TIA (I liken her title to something along the lines of a limited time, special-line Barbie Doll, you know, Malibu Princess Barbie, Queer-as-a-3-$-bill Hooker Ken, Staff Trainer Tia, you catch the drift.) give me a "tour" of the restaurant. Fascinating, the inner workings of McDonald's. It really is... :sleep: Afterwards, I got stuck on the computer for E-LEARNING!!! First order of business was learning how to cook the fries on the McDonald's-sponsored trainee program. Imagine it- cartoons (who looked to have been drawn in Microsoft Paint) teaching you how to cook fries. Spend a good 45 minutes listening to the gay-little robot tell you to click next... I was ready for my break. No such luck. Finally I completed my computer education for fries, and then got stuck cooking them right as lunch time rolled around. Joy.... I've never done this before, and this fat, stumpy, little pregnant bitch-manager named Joann constantly complains about "How I've gotta speed it up if I want to get these people served..." (As if I gave two shits about whether they got their fries or not...) and complaining that "There just ain't enough fries in this box. Yur gunna have'fta get with it, son!" It gave me great pleasure to imagine stuffing a handful of fries in her fat, little mouth and telling her to shut the hell up. I'm quite positive that at least 15% of the batches of fries that I dumped in the...thing (whatever the thing is called that you dump the fries in...) were served to people without salt. Eh. They didn't look like they needed to be eating salt anyway. They deserve to die just for coming to McDonald's at all. I think they did it just so that they could drive me to a close point of insanity. Job well done, gents. Back to the frie action.

So, other than STAFF TRAINER TIA, there's staff trainer....chadwell. I know. I haven't yet coined a name for Chadwell. I was talking to my friend about my adventures at work, and ended up describing Chadwell as a, "Quaint, country bumpkin with a gay flare." He's rather questionable, and seems a bit reckless with the frie baskets. I'm salting the fries, and I give my right hand a motion ******ds, and meet with his wayward basket of freshly....fried fries. A good bit of the back of my hand is rather passable as a waffle.. :cussing: You think the kid would give me a, "You okay?" or a, "Sorry, man." No. But of course not. Instead, I'm comforted by, "That's gunna leave a mark. Watch yer hand next tiiime." I wanted to say, "Thanks for caring, A$$!!! But really. I'm fine. Maybe you ought to check the fries and make sure they're okay..."

Back to my story. I suppose there isn't really much left to tell, other than what I had to do for the rest of the day. I only had one laugh today. The third e-learning session I had to do was based on these agents who are assigned a mission to report on hospitality in restaurants. They have to get this report done, or they lose their job!!! OH NO!!! So I have to do various clicking to get through it all. Well, about 45 minutes into it, Agent Proven is interviewing a McDonald's employee about "Golden Moments". Get a load of what she says,

"Erica! Hey. I just saw you give that kid special service and I needed to ask a few questions about that." I suppose that my 6th grade perversion came back to me for a moment and I just burst out in laughter... I just think it sounds like something you could expect from a trashy McDonald's employee... they've got some under-the-counter prostitution going on... ? Sounds rather shifty and all-too-possible to me... But anyway. Luckily, I'm off tomorrow. I have this training thing to do at my high school- I have to get trained on becoming a FRESHMAN MENTOR!!! Yay! It's gonna suck. I almost wish I was working. At least I'd get payed for that. Of course, I could probably scrape together more change from the floors of the school than how much I'd make at McDonald's... Sorry. I just feel glad that I, at the tender age of 16 & 2 weeks, am thoroughly jaded about this whole idea of work, and welfare doesn't seem like such a bad plan. Seems like a way to stick it to the man. This job is just one more fuel added to the burning fire of my cynicism. I've been a terrible cynic since about the age of 12. What can I say. I don't see it as cynicism, or pessimism, as much as I do realism. That's the way us Republicans kick it....

And there, is my first day at McDonald's. Will that be for here or to go?
"And, the Cobb salad you gave me didn't come with no fork."
"Sorry, kid, I didn't give you any Cobb Salad. I've been making fries all day. Besides, the forks and knives come in the little plastic bags."
"Momma says I'm s'posed to ask for mu munney back, since there was hair in herr burger."
"Tia, you do this. You're a STAFF TRAINER!"
"Depends... what does he want?"
"Their was hair in his mom's burger, there was ketchup on the BigMac, and their salad didn't come with a knife."
"Is your mom here with you?" Tia asks.
"She's out in thu carr." The little crap replies.
"Can you go get her?" Tia inquires, doing her best to remain polite.
The little crap proceeds to say, "Nope. She's sick summthin' awful, an' doesn't wanna come in hurr and make evr'body sick. So she sent me in a cuz there was hairs on her burger, and there was ke-e-e-etchup on the Big Mac, and I pacifically asked fer no ketchup, and, and, when we got ourr Cobb Salad, there wasn't no knife. There wasn't no knife, with... with the Cobb Salad!"
Tia rolls her eyes and continues, "And what did you want us to do?"
The little crap exclaims, "I alruddy said that we want our munney back!"
"Do you have a receipt?"
Little crap hands Tia a whad of a receipt, and I was tired of standing there. The infernal beeping of the french fries was about to drive me to murder, so I had to go pull those, and that's the last I knew of Little Crap and his hairy burger, not to mention his...his... COBB SALAD WITH NO KNIFE!!! (God forbid the child go without a knife for salad...)

And that is McDonald's. If you've worked there, you can sympathize with me, if you're considering a job there, you can heed my most vehement warnings, and if you'd know better than ever working there, then you can laugh at me. I'll make sure to keep you updated on how my pitiful existence carries on. :thumbs:

:clown: "I work with Ronald."

posted by  Patrick


"do it for the car man, do it for the car....." :laughing: :thumbs:

posted by  Ki2AY

My mate works in mcdonalds.. where were from its where all the lil boy racers bring there corsas novas 106s and metros with stupid cheap bodykits and rims to look real hard nut look at me im cool. burning half there tire tread off as they exit. my mate actully doesnt mind working at mc donalds and bavs rite we all have to start somewhere . i started work in halfords which sells push bikes, tents but mostly car related parts such as audio, oil, filters, suspension , exhuasts, batterys, alloys, paints you get the pic.. even some rice parts in an area called Ripspeed oohhhhh lol :mrgreen:

posted by  Lukaz

dont sweat it bruv! my first job was mickey D's :(

but if you got the inclination you'll find the cushy jobs to do.

i,e The trash walk! (1/2 hr walking round outside burning a blunt wasting time).
Poping the happy meal containers open for an hour or so up in the store room! (ahhhh! the good old store room)
prep, slicing the tomatoes and sh*t for another 1hr.

learn the system. then use it to do sod all! :thumbs:

I never got to do tills.(don't think they trusted me round the money)
And i sympathise with your burn man! I still got mine from 10years ago!
Oh, btw. DONT get stuck on the grill!!! If your good? they'll never let you leave!!

posted by  Unlicensed

You'll survive it man! :smoke: Just be glad that your McDonalds aren't selling beer'n cigarettes like McDonalds in Germany -- seriously, it's even worse. :smoke:

To pleasure up your job a lil bit: Think how fast you can supersize your guests, it's like sport, but vise-versa. :smoke:

Not enough of my words to ease your hard weekdays a lil bit?

I was a bartender for nearly 12 years, 16 hours a day. I had my daily couple of pints, finally I was my best guest. The last four years I became the owner of the bar (paid it out like a credit). I was holding the whole control at the bar, me, the king of all bar flies himself. Those four years I did drinking (...oops) I mean working very hard to spend (not to save) all my money for nuthin'.

Finally it wasn't my dream to become "Moe". :smoke:
I sold the bar, drunk the last remaining keg of beer for myself and went to San Francisco to recover. I left San Francisco again at that point where I realized why all the guys are so friendly to me.

I bought a computer and changed my business -- it's still hard and not at all satisfying.

I just repeat 2pac's quote once again: "you got ta keep ya head up."

posted by  lutz

Yes, well, your suggestion for the SuperSize game would be all well and good, but now McDonald's no longer offers "Super Sizing". Said that it was costing too much money for it to be worth anything. Personally, I don't see the point. I suppose I did yesterday (any day before today, for that matter), because the food actually appetized me. Now, it's all I can do to choke down my McDonald's-sponsored free meal. I'm doing my best just trying to keep my nose to the grindstone. After all, it was my first day. I can't really judge it by that. Burns, sore feet, sweatiness, gross food, rude people. All I can say is, "My car better be worth this." Working the front counter is rather intimidating. These people give you their order so fast, that it's nearly impossible to keep up. Especially when you haven't the slightest clue what to push. Maybe I can talk to my manager about being permanent french fries-cook. They're easy to make like whoa. Except for watching out for the dripping grease. And hot fries landing on your hand. Etc, etc, etc.

posted by  Patrick

People are rude because this type of job is so easy!! It is so redundant!

The reason people get rude is because the employees are there simply to get paid the meger wages to move on to something bigger and better. There is a high turn over rate. I digress.

People get rude because the average employee doesn't pay attention to the order when taken, and doesn't pay attention when filling the order and making sure it is right before handing it out.

Giving change is another huge reason for rudeness. It is simple elementary math and yet EVERY SINGLE CASHIER cannot seem to understand the simpleness of change. If the total is $15.68 and I hand you $21.00, don't stand there and stare at me or try and hand me back the $1.00 just make yourself look even more ignorant. You should realize you're going to give me a $5.00 bill and 0.32 cents. I don't want the fours singles and the 0.32 cents...or five singles for that matter.

The other huge reason for being rude is that the average employee seems to think that work time is social time with all the friends that show up. It only aggrevates me...and I've been known to call for the manager. Some have been sent home for the day...and one was fired on the spot!!

The food business is so simple. Give the customer the service he/she is paying for. Be courteous and kind in the face of rudeness. It is not always your fault, but you must bear it once in a while...especially in fast food.

Some venting on my part... :laughing:

posted by  BavarianWheels

Hey, I just want to cheer you up, to encourage you to go on. :smoke:
I also agree with BavarianWheels' explanation. That's the "business" and every business does have a fun part and a stress part.

On the other hand I know very well how it is when too many people ordering in a line, that is frustrating for the first couple of days, but you'll getting better and better automaticly. :smoke:

posted by  lutz

GOOD GOD. It's just a Mcdonalds job!! If you don't like it quit. If you need the money get over it and continue working.

posted by  DodgeRida67

...together we only can say:
a i n 't
l i f e
g r a n t :smoke:

posted by  lutz

Jeeze, Dodge. Put away the claws. The whole point of this thread is to be able to laugh about my job. If it were as bad as I make it out to be, there's no way in hell I'd go back tomorrow (I'm really looking forward to that... :cussing: ) Besides. I've already decided that I am going to stay there 1 month regardless. Then, when I have my manager's evaluation, I'm going to decide whether I want to stay or not. :thumbs:

posted by  Patrick

"Quitting McDonald's is not at all what you want to do"
Man, this is the best one.

McDonald's sucks.

posted by  karburator

I'll assume you're not referring to the ENTIRE food service industry.
The food business is so simple. Give the customer the service he/she is paying for. Be courteous and kind in the face of rudeness. It is not always your fault, but you must bear it once in a while...especially in fast food."

Because if you are, I'm about to re-arange your thoughts.

posted by  Diomedes

In response, I am not even close to making a generalization about the food industry. In fact, it seems to be the best place to make the big bucks. Rather, I was discussing McDonald's and McDonald's alone.

NOW FOR MY UPDATE!!!! It's been a week, and I figured I'd give everyone a bit of a progress report. On the whole, this was one of the worst weeks of my life. I only actually worked four shifts, and they were enough to lead me to quit, which I did earlier today. The job wasn't my main motivation for quitting. It was my managers, namely Joann. Yesterday was the worst day yet. Of course, in all their infinite wisdom, they assigned me to the food assembly line without so much as a minute of training on how to do it. My staff trainer had originally assigned me to do buns, which I had learned. Doing buns requires taking a bun, splitting it, and putting it in the toaster. Not tough. But, as soon as Staff Trainer Tia left, it turned out that I would have to do entire sandwiches. Did I know what goes on a Big & Tasty? Nope. That one's the easiest, though, since the recipe is written on the underside of the wrapper. I mean, they assign me these jobs without training me, and then they feel the need (Joann in particular) to bitch me out because I'm not doing it right!!! And then they complain because we are backed up horribly, when 1) They didn't schedule enough people (Out of the 6 of us working, 1 was trained on grille, but they wouldn't let him do that.) and 2) They go out and smoke cigarettes every five minutes. Honestly, they were the only ones there trained in every single area,, yet they did absolutely NOTHING the entire time that I was working (Four hours). To be honest, the way they treated me was totally out of line. Constructive criticism was unbeknownced to them; all they could do was BITCH, of course they wouldn't want to do anything to change the problem. I mean, I am not the type of person who can work when the only contact you have with your supervisor is blatently negative and absolutely derogatory towards me.

So, this morning I went in and talked to Ana, a hispanic manager. She's one of the nice ones. I was telling her all of what I have written above, and she said, "We can't hold people here. Everyone who's worth anything quits. And every single one of them has quit because of Joann." So, I turned in my uniform and left. Just about an hour ago, I went into Dairy Queen (I had applied there a few weeks ago, but I have a hunch that my application never made it from the cashier to a supervisor. So, I went in today and applied, got an interview, and my training is from 6:00 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. on Tuesday as a cook. I'll be making $1.25 an hour more than I did under the Golden Arches, and, given that I do well, I get a $0.25 raise up to $7.25 an hour after 30 days. Great money. A friend of mine works there as well, and she has nothing but good things to say about it, whereas no one ever has anything good to say about McDonald's. But anyway, thurr's yur update. :thumbs:

posted by  Patrick

Good to see you moving on to a better job.

posted by  abless

good move! :thumbs:

posted by  SuperJew

I have a friend who worked at DQ. She did cake decoration and made $11 an hour. Try to get that job :thumbs:

posted by  Voda48

That takes a ton of skill, labor, and a steady hand. I have none of those...Oh, btw, look for a new model car I'm building. I have been to lazy to do any but I finally got my butt in gear and started another one.

posted by  Satty101

I work at a fishing industry place. I put fish heads in a correct order on a pallet, 17 other pallets put on top of the first one, than taken to a huge room, arranged 42 "tops" in each room, there are 4 rooms. Then they heads are dried and sold to Nigeria. Most of the heads are a few weeks old and the water in the container of those ones is yellow and you can't see throught it. Imagine go fishing, fish like 20 fishes, take them home and put the on the floor and leave it there. That's how I smell when I come home before I take a shower :puke:

And it's all for my car! (so I can afford to buy a new one after I sell it)

posted by  DanniR

Hmmm...McDonald's sounds pretty good considering...doesn't it!

posted by  BavarianWheels

even interning with an architect sounds better than that...

posted by  SuperJew

My first job was also as a dishwasher. But mine was guaranteed worse then your experience at McDonalds.

I went there applied for food prep and got an interview for dishwasher... An interview. Youd think they would ask one question: "do you have arms, with hands attached that are capable of scrubbing hot ass pots and pans for 13 hours a day?" Because thats the only things you need to be a dishwasher. But no, They interviewed me for an hour and a half about my integrity and ambition. The whole time im just thinking " its a freakin dishwasher position!"
BUt that was just annoying the rest of it was actually painful to me. You see im 6'5" tall and the sink I was stationed at was about 3 feet off the ground. I was bent over for 13 hours a day. My back was killing me on hour two of the first day. There were three sinks I had to use, the first filled with boiling hot water where I washed the dishes, the next was luke warm water where I rinsed them, and The last was Ice cold water/disinfetent mix where I let them soak in an antibacterial solution for exactly 8 minutes each. Any more and it would be too much bleach type stuff poisoning the food and killing the customer. Too little and it didn't kill the Bacteria so the customer got sick and die anyway (accoarding to my boss). At the end of the night I would go home with my back in utter pain that I took 8 tylenol to get rid of , food under my fingernails, I smelt like rotten food, and my hands were pink and raw with skin missing in patches. But I stuck with it for 5 months.

The only cool part was going on break with this black guy that worked there, we smoked Newports and played dice for an hour until we went back to the 100 degree heat of the dish room. So i think you got it easier then me for your first job. But good move to DQ, i'd just eat blizzards all day if i worked there. mmmmmm... Blizards :drool:

posted by  Zalight

LOL my dad is an architect. he says that the interns learn two valuable skills while interning, one how to make a killer pot of coffee. Two, how to drag race on those chairs that have rollers. :thumbs:

SJ are you an intern???

posted by  Voda48

yeah, i'm interning with the architect that redesigned my dads office. its not too bad.

posted by  SuperJew

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