One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the
shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a
stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.
Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, totally naked woman sitting in the back seat.
"Where to?" he stammered.
"Union Station," answered the woman.
"You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror. The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?"
The driver replied, "Well, ma'am, I can't help noticing that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare?"
The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does this answer your question?"
Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller?"
This is not an original joke.
A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game. They had
great seats, right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her
how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, I saw them flip a coin, and one team got it; and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!" I mean "Hel-LLLO! It's only 25 cents!"
that's really funny. you be a funny guy.
Lol... good stuff. :thumbs:
haha, I needed that one.
A guy goes to the U.S. Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer
him, "Have you been in the service?"
"Yes," he says. "I was in Viet Nam for three years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment"
and then the interviewer asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes 100%...a mortar round exploded near me and blew my
The interviewer tells the guy, "O.K. I can hire you right now. The hours
are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00
The guy is puzzled ! and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00
P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M."
"This is a government job" the interviewer says. "For the first two hours
we sit around scratching our balls.......no point in you coming in for
Ha ha! Thats great!
Not funny. stupid.
:guns: :guns: counterstrike!
[QUOTE=vwhobo]A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game.
I had to cut back on the blonde jokes after my first Granddaughter was born,but I still love them.(kids and the jokes) :thumbs:
hahahahaha, purry funny :orglaugh:
After 10 Years in the business a Gynecologist decides he want to try
something new. So he decides on automotive tech.
He finishes his courses, and is about to take his certification test, he really nervous.
A couple of weeks later he receives his test and is amazed that he got 150%. So he calls his instructor and asks him about the mark.
His instructor said, well. You took apart the motor without any problems so you get 50%, then you put it back together perfectly, and since you did it all through the muffler i gave you an extra 50%.
A normal person: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
An engineer:"If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features."
Fitting joke for the majority of this forum>. :doh: :laughing:
A college (grade school/high school) teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, Class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
Lectriod, those were some good ones. I like the first one more though, simply because Ive heard the exam joke too much.
A sweet young thing thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking
military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him when was
the last time he had had sex.
"1956," was his immediate reply.
"No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Honey, you need to get out
"I'm not sure I understand you," he answered, glancing at his watch. "It's
only 2014 now."
Good one. :orglaugh:
A tongue-tied man goes into a nut shop, and the first thing he notices
that the guy behind the counter has the largest nose he's ever seen in his
life. The tongue-tied guy quickly turns his attention to the merchandise, and
asks..."ess- tues me ser?"
"Yes sir," replied the clerk.
"Tould you tale me how mutsh you're pisstasheos arr?"
"Pistachio's? They're six dollars a pound."
"SSit!" The tongue-tied guy goes back to browsing, and then asks, "welp, how
mutsh arr you're aahhmons?"
"Almonds? They're seven fifty a pound."
"SSit!" Replied the tongue-tied man. "Welp, how bout you're pikanns?"
"Pecans? They're on sale today...they're only four fifty a pound."
"Welp...SSit...just div me a poulnd of dose dhen."
"Alrighty then," says the clerk, and begins bagging up a pound of pecans.
Then, the tongue-tied guy says to the clerk, "Sirr, I just wana tay tank you
fo not maken phun of de way I talk, cauz I tan't hep it."
The clerk replies with a smile, "Oh sir, you don't have to thank me for
that... I don't make fun of anybody, for anything! I don't know if you
noticed, or not, but I have a rather large nose."
The tongue-tied guy replies, "Oh, is dat your noze? I tought dat wuz your
penis, your nutz arr so damn high!"