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Old 06-02-2006, 11:50 PM   #1
hondaman
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Might as well vent here

If you're not in the mood for drama, quit reading because that's all this thread is going to contain.

Ever just have something you just had to talk about with someone, but would rather it not be with someone you see all the time? Now I understand why people post threads about their girlfriends and shit because sometimes you just have to do that.

Okay, going back in time almost four years ago to the late summer of 2002. I met this girl whose name I will withold that I went crazy over. She was friendly, kind to everyone, great looking, blah blah blah she's perfect. We got along great and were practically inseparable for almost eight months. Every day I saw her made my day that much better, made me happier and a better person, etc. But for some reason during all that time I never once made a move or tried to do anything to move our relationship beyond what it was, just a friendship. So I come to find out sometime in March of '03 that one of my best friends had beaten me to her, but no one else knew how I felt so he can't really be blamed for it.

So I made many dumb decisions, decided to stop talking with her because I was confused about stuff, didn't really know what to do. Dumbest decision I have EVER made in my entire life, but whatever. So, for the next two years, we're not talking but my good friend and her are getting along great, while I'm left to ponder my asinine decisions. I graduate in '05, she and my friend stay behind.

During the last year in college, I've tried to go out with other girls because I was tired of the way things had been the last two years. I didn't even go to my senior prom because of all that shit.

Moving on...

I found someone I had been going out with for a while, but to be honest I never really felt much in it and it didn't bother me that much when it ended not too long ago. There just wasn't any feeling there.

But today, I ran into the one from high school again. She's going to my university, which is really no surprise. I had really been hoping that maybe she had broken up with the guy during the year I was absent, but upon talking with him I come to discover that not only are they not detached, they've been dating so long he thinks they're "practically married". Just wonderful. Not only that, but my stupid decision still leaves her in silent mode whenever I come around. What a ****ing genius I was.

So now I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. What I had hoped for isn't there, and she still isn't talking. I don't know if I should tell her, try to be friends again, or just leave well enough alone. I wish I could go back and change all the dumb shit I did.

I'm not really seeking advice or replies, I just needed somewhere to vent my confusion and frustration. Fortunately CarForums is there to take the hit.
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Old 06-03-2006, 12:25 AM   #2
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I'm in a similar situation right now actually...It's so confusing too...It's like part of you wants them to break up, but then you also want her to be happy...I'd suggest telling her. She'll know how you feel and what's the worst that can happen? But at least you'll be able to get it off your chest.
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Old 06-03-2006, 12:31 AM   #3
hondaman
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chris_knows
I'm in a similar situation right now actually...It's so confusing too...It's like part of you wants them to break up, but then you also want her to be happy...I'd suggest telling her. She'll know how you feel and what's the worst that can happen? But at least you'll be able to get it off your chest.
Yeah, it's pretty much exactly like that...

I wish it was as simple as that. Problem is, he's a really nice guy and a good friend...I don't want to screw things up.

But then I really want her to know also and get all this off my chest...oh hell I don't know.
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Old 06-03-2006, 12:35 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hondaman
I'm not really seeking advice or replies

Understood.

So here is my story, which is somewhat similar but not exactly the same. Its still a "love lost" sort of thing.

I had met this girl, who shall be hereafter known as girl A, in high school and had always been physically attracted to her, but I never really talked to her that much for a number of reason which I don't feel like going into here, but mostly the fact that I had other G/F's to deal with. But anyway, the point is I was always attracted to her, and about 8 mos ago A friend had reintroduced us and we started hanging out a lot more. The more I got to know her the more I found myself thinking about her. She was such a great person, fun, happy, responsible, independent, strong, just a great human being....and she was damn hot to boot!

I found myself falling for her, and I knew she reciprocated these feeling but for some reason she was unwilling to act upon them. Until one fateful night that is, when she invited me into her bed with her. After that night we saw each other almost everyday, talked on the phone constantly, etc, etc. For about 3 months things were going sublime, but soon she stopped answering her phone outta the blue. She wouldn't call me back and it seemed she was avoiding me. but then when we actually would hang out she would be so happy to see me.

hey Steve, you remember what you told me in AIM about what happened with Kayla? And I said, sometimes all it takes is to see each other again and hold them in your arms? That's basically what happened here.

Needless to say this was fucking with my head. She would constantly avoid me, but when we did hang out she would be all over me. When I got fed up and confronted her she shed a tear and said "I'm sorry for the way I am"

I asked her what that meant and she didn't reply.

I didn't talk to her after that for about 3 months.

I moved on, found a great girl(girl B), again, hot, very independent, intelligent, funny, she has my same sense of humor, and it seems like we share the same thoughts and ideas somehow. And I forgot all about girl A. Until I saw her again.

I can honestly say that I love girl B, I really do. And I thought I was completely over Girl A, in fact I was pissed at her for doing what she had done to me. But for some reason I cant forget about Girl A... I saw her again, and all the feelings I had for her, came rushing back. that night I went home and couldn't sleep because I remembered her, her smile, her laugh, the way she would be concentrating so hard on something and I could make her falter with a smile and a shake of the head, the way she drank her coffee with both hands around the mug and a spoon still in it, the way her skin felt, the way her hair smelled when I would wake up next to her, the way she was shaking after we first kissed... That night I couldn't sleep because although I hated her for putting me through what she had but when I remembered all these things I remembered one thing:

I love her.

Obviously this has put quite a hamper on my relationship with girl B, I still am very happy with her, and when we are together its all there is. But now that girl A is back in my life things aren't so clear. I miss her and I can't help wondering what could have been, the "love lost" as it were.

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Anyway, I know you didn't ask for help but I felt like sharing my experience.
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Old 06-03-2006, 12:45 AM   #5
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I know exactly what you mean...all the while I was going out with the girl I had met in college I kept remembering the one from back in my high school days. I honestly think that's why it ended and why it didn't bother me, my heart was elsewhere.

Thanks for the reply though.
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Old 06-03-2006, 12:58 AM   #6
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First to Dan #1 lol, bro you still may have feelings for her and all, but sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to for a reason, basically how life works, just don't tamper with your friends relationship, let them be happy with out someone trying to interfere with them (which i'm sure you wouldn't do but I'm just sayin), you'll find someone else bro, everyone has someone, she just wasn't it, think of it that way.

To Dan #2 (Abe), I remember what you said man, probably will always remember it too, because it showed me that she just forgot what it was like to be held by the one she loves the most, and I thank you for the advice you gave me, I guess you kind of have to do a comparison thing with the two, which one did/do you love the most? Which one did/do you have fun with the most? Which one can/used to listen to everything you said and helped you when you were down? Most importantly, which girl has more things that you don't like everything they like (music, sports, books, etc..) because having someone who doesn't like everything you do..can make your relationship better.

Just my
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Old 06-03-2006, 01:02 AM   #7
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Wow, sorry to hear about your situations guys.. I too know what it's like.

I still have a 'girl A' that I just can't get over (and it's been over a year, and I've tried a couple times). I can't stop wasting my time on her, as I eventually give up and cut off all contact and then she comes back to me only to 'lead me on' and screw me over again. We were really close and talked alot, hung out alot and shared almost everything, but I got tired of waiting, moved on and was then told she wanted me and started going out with a guy I knew to make me jealous.. but neither relationship worked out very long. Even my girlfriends got jealous of her, and everytime my relationships didn't work out, I'd be stupid and go back to her.

Recently we started talking again (she came to me), but there's another guy she likes and who likes her, and I keep getting brought in the middle.. we've been 'flirting' more then we used to, but she still goes back to him. Like this past weekend, she knew there was something different, but I kept denying it. She eventually got me to say it, then I walked away to get space to myself.

It had been months since we talked, and I moved onto this other girl ('girl B' I guess) and everything was going great.. but again, I got screwed over with her too (kind of my fault too, as I'm shy with girls..), and instead of just being friends, I was try and move on and break off all contact but later regret it, but by then it's usually too late.

It's all stupid and really frustrating.. and not very many people understand why I have a short temper lately (more or less because I keep to myself and would rather listen to others then explain myself). I still feel like I 'love' girl A (even after all this shit she's done), but now also really like girl B (even after getting screwed over.. by a friend who didn't know) and I have no idea what to do, I've explained myself to 'A' (many times) and feel as though I'm probably going to fall right back where I was with her again. I hate feeling like this, as one day I'll probably take it out on someone else for no reason and then who knows what'll happen.


But anyways, I know, shit happens, you just gotta move on and put it all behind you.. but sometimes it's just too hard...


Quote:
"Noone dies a virgin, life screws us all"

I hope you all figure it out and that it all works out for the best in each of your cases.
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Old 06-03-2006, 01:33 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 99integra
First to Dan #1 lol, bro you still may have feelings for her and all, but sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to for a reason, basically how life works, just don't tamper with your friends relationship, let them be happy with out someone trying to interfere with them (which i'm sure you wouldn't do but I'm just sayin), you'll find someone else bro, everyone has someone, she just wasn't it, think of it that way.
Thanks man, you're right I should just leave it alone. Maybe I'll try to restore our friendship because if nothing more, she was my best friend at the time.

I hope you're right, I thought for sure that she was the one at the time. Thanks Steven.

Perhaps we should make this an official "Screwed love life thread" or something.
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Old 06-03-2006, 02:18 AM   #9
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Well I might as well join...

My first relationship lasted 6 weeks, I'll just say we were both sure of we wanted before we'd had enough time to actually figure it out. I still liked her, but she figured out she didn't feel that way about me.

Second time around, almost exactly the same thing happened. Cept this time I'd talked to the girl on the phone every night for a couple of hours for about a month before the actual going out. It sucked more than the first break up, and well at that point I felt pretty bad. All this was about 2 weeks ago.

Now I don't know what to think, there's about 4 or 5 that I might consider, and the two I went out with (one of which has a bf) are included in that. I feel terrible about it cause I never wanted to be the type that went through girlfriends so quick, but at least I'm still friends with the exes. Basically I'm plannin on taking a break, the longer the better (to a certain extent). I guess if I've known someone for quite some time and we both want to, then sure, I'll go for it, but I still have feelings for people, and I'm just confused, sort of. Guess I'll just to grin & bear it for now.



As for hondaman (Dan, I think?), would it be a bad idea to tell your firend how you fell just so his gf doens't tell him? Could cause trouble, idk. Plus he'd probably want to know. So long as he knows you're not the gf stealing type, he shouldn't have a problem with it.
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Old 06-03-2006, 02:30 AM   #10
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carcrazy, I don't personally know girl A, but I can't see how I would find a girl willing to go out with someone else to make jealous a very attractive person. Again, I don't personally know her, but that's the way it'd generally go with me
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Old 06-03-2006, 02:36 AM   #11
Zalight
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wow, first and second relationships.

I feel very old for being so very young.

Maybe I am just a manwhore.
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Old 06-03-2006, 04:08 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zalight
wow, first and second relationships.

I feel very old for being so very young.

Maybe I am just a manwhore.
lol, compared to most of the people I know, you indeed are.
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Old 06-03-2006, 04:27 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jedimario
As for hondaman (Dan, I think?), would it be a bad idea to tell your firend how you fell just so his gf doens't tell him? Could cause trouble, idk. Plus he'd probably want to know. So long as he knows you're not the gf stealing type, he shouldn't have a problem with it.
Yes, Dan. I just don't know...for now I think neither of them will find out. I'm not exactly sure how that conversation would work out.
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Old 06-03-2006, 10:17 AM   #14
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Honderrrr(don't mind me, I'm half-pissed, so I hope this comes out coherent) - very shitty. I know how that feels, and it ****s with your mind day in and day out. The smallest thing can throw everything you gained away(moving on, not looking for "her" in other girls, etcetera). As for making dumb ****ing moves, I am the king PIMP of doing that. I need to count on both hands(and probably more, I'm not too sure right now haha) how many times I ****ed myself over with something that seemed smart at the time, but in hindsight ,was absolutely retarded. The names...not important anymore...the faces, they still come back and kick me in the ass every now and then.

For instance, Shannon. Her eyes drove me nuts, they showed everything with her. I completely ****ed my chance with her up, for no apparent reason(I'm still not sure what I did to this day!), yet those eyes screw my mind up. The closest thing I can come up with for comparisons sake is Mischa Barton, who plays Marissa on the OC. She is singlehandedly the reason why I watch that show, because those eyes are so close to Shannon's....I could lose myself in them and forget about everything else...nothing else mattered, I was in my own world when I looked into her eyes. I mean, Shannon also had a great personality, a sense of humour, brains, and was good-looking, but those eyes were what pulled me in... But I lost it all. Over something stupid I'm sure. She just dropped off the face of the earth when it came to me. **** yes, that hurt, **** yes, I would still go out with her in a heartbeat. But if there was another girl, **** Shannon. She ****ed with my mind enough, so I wouldn't want to deal with that shit again.

Anyways, enough rambling.

What I'm trying to say is that if she isn't yours now, and you have someone else, then don't bother with her. Who knows, you could possibly be involved in a relationship that could last the rest of your life, and if you went with "A", you might break up, and not have "B" at all then....










****, just ask me to clarify anything tomorrow if something doesn't make sense. 24 wobbly pop >= me.
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Old 06-03-2006, 11:41 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hondaman
We got along great and were practically inseparable for almost eight months...one of my best friends had beaten me to her, but no one else knew how I felt so he can't really be blamed for it.

So now I don't know what the hell I'm going to do...I don't know if I should tell her, try to be friends again, or just leave well enough alone.
You don't want advice...sure you don't.

You're still fresh to the college scene, right? You should use your past mistakes as modivation to not make a mistake like that again in what will be your BEST CHANCE FOR RELATIONSHIP ACTION years. Highschool dating is nothing compared to a college atmosphere.

Don't kill yourself yet. That girl who put you in the friend zone has changed since highschool. Sure, ya boy says they're "practically married", but few highschool relationships last through the temptations of college. ESPECIALLY if he's not there. Chances are they will split.

But...BUT...this only matters if you're willing and ABLE to produce an entertaining "more than friends" relationship. All college girls want to be entertained, and that nice, boring, "won't touch me" gentleman won't get her pulse racing or hold her attention. Most of those guys sit back and watch in agony as this perfect girl waste her time on those assholes who treat her like sh*t and only want to have sex. They're no good, right?

We've all gone through the "should I tell her my feelings?" episode. Well, don't tell her. It will spoil your chance at her and throw you back but deeper in a weirder friendzone. You have a great oppurtunity on your hands. I'll explain.

You haven't talked to this chick for 2 years or something right? Good, because now she doesn't know you anymore. You aren't "friends". You can create and entire new perception of yourself and your intentions. You shouldn't say more than "hey" until she looks single. Don't ask your friend because it looks planned. Matter of fact, if you really want to be a scumbag, don't talk to him either. This way you can attempt to avoid breaking a man code: Don't get attracted to your friend's girl.

In the meantime, you should practice not being friends with a girl. I say this because you have to make a move or display your attraction quickly because you were once friends with this chick. If you see her, ask her if she's going to a party. If she says yes, talk about seeing her there. Once there, drink a little to develop a little "I don't give a f*ck", then approach her and dance with her. You don't generally dance with friends...not like that. Don't get too sleazy because then you'll seem drunk...and sleazy. SO unattractive.

If you can't dance or a situation like that somehow doesn't occur at your college, find another way. Just remember, don't get mushy or talk about the past...ya know, when you guys were friends? Shouldn't bring that up.

It also wouldn't hurt to show her (don't tell her) that you're interested in girls. Not saying she thinks you're gay, but some girls feel like some guys are 'different' and she may be afraid of you rejecting her, and she put you in the friend zone to avoid embarrassing herself.

Be a normal guy. Don't put her in akward space by revealing your feelings.

Also, lift weights because you may be walking into an ass-whipping.
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