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Old 12-04-2008, 09:10 AM   #1
Satty101
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MUST READ!!! Grab a beer too.

This was posted on another forum. So funny, I have to share:

I borrowed my wife's Geo Metro last night. One litre of raw power,
3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch wheels. It's
stock,alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000
pounds of Metro around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds
and 18-wheelers by surprise...I was headed back from Baskin Robbins
with my manly triple-latte cappuccinoblast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take
it BLACK"), when I stopped at a streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its
throaty idle around me, I sipped my bold beverage and wiped the
white froth my stiff upper lip. I was minding my own business, but then I
heard a rev from the next lane.I turned, made eye contact, then let
my eyes trace over the competition.Ford Festiva - a late model,
could be trouble. Low profile tires, curbfeelers, and schoolbus-yellow
paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure.The howl of his motor snapped my reverie,
and I looked back into the driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own
throttle. As I tugged on my driving gloves and slipped on my
sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, and I am F-N cool,
hence...), the night was split with the sound of seven screaming
cylinders...Then the light turned...I almost had him out of the
hole, my three pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a
millimetre back into my seat, as smoke pouring from my front right tire...
my unlimited slip differential was letting me down! I saw in the
corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining,and I heard the roar of his four
cylinders.
He slung by me, right front wheel juddering against the pavement,
and he flashed me a smile as his .7extra liters of motor stretched its
legs. I kept my foot gamely in it,though, waiting for the CHECK
ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge (no tachometer here!)
instrument panel. I saw a glimpse of chrome under his bumper, and
knew the ugly truth...He was running a custom exhaust - probably a
2-into-1 dual exhaust...may be even cutouts! Damn his hot-rod soul!
The old lady passing us on the cross walk cast a dirty look in our
boy-racer direction...Yet still I persisted, with my three pumping
pistons singing a heady high-pitched song, wound fully out. Though
only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the
crosswalk at the other side of the intersection, and I heard the
note of his engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his
grin in his rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift! I rocketed
by, shifting, and nursed the clutch gently in to keep from bogging,
keeping my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a
cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not ready to give up so easily,he
left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one wheel *almost* chirp
as he finally found second and dropped the clutch.
We careened over the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per
hour. A bicyclist passed us, but intent on the race as we were, neither
of us batted an eye.He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck,
we made the shift to third, the scream of motors deafening all
pedestrians within a five footcircle. He nosed ahead as we passed
30 miles an hour, then eased in front of me, taunting, as we shifted
into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6"chrome tips of his
exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little to take
the next corner.I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate
agility of my trusty steed,I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept
my foot buried in carpet.
Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the
left as I came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I
felt the Geo ease onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear
wheel slowly leave the ground - no matter, though, because my drive
wheels,up front, were pulling me through the corner, and around the
Festiva...The Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my wife's car
eased past him on the outside, my P165/54R13's screaming in
protest, as we raced to the next light. We coasted down, neck-and neck, to the red light.
I tightened my driving gloves, ready for another round,
when this WIMP in the next car meekly flipped his turn signal and
made a right. Chevy (Suzuki) superiorityreigns!!!I drove off
sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking for
other unwitting targets...Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a
Volkswagon




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Old 12-04-2008, 09:18 AM   #2
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Straight up, though, the best kind of race is the one where you can't even reach the speed limit.

"Ford Festiva - a late model, could be trouble...Yep, a hot rod, for sure."

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Old 12-07-2008, 12:52 AM   #3
DBain
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triple-latte cappuccinoblast: $1.59 Driving gloves: $10 Winning a race in a geo metro: priceless
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Old 12-13-2008, 11:57 PM   #4
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Great stuff....Have to admit, 3-cylinder engines do sound throaty....Or just that they're missing something...
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Old 12-14-2008, 05:06 AM   #5
Satty101
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cliffy
...Or just that they're missing something...



Like another 5 cylinders...lol
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1999 Chevrolet Camaro SS (PC'd)
1994 Chevrolet Beretta Z26 Q4 (W41 M90'd)
2004 Chevrolet Silverado 2500 (4WD)

My wife's cars:

1971 Dodge Charger SE (stock and original 383 auto)
2004 Subaru Impreza WRX (kid-hauler)
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Old 12-15-2008, 03:21 PM   #6
Cliffy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satty101
Like another 5 cylinders...lol
I was thinking just the one cylinder...but I'm British, lol.
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Old 12-15-2008, 04:41 PM   #7
Satty101
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cliffy
I was thinking just the one cylinder...but I'm British, lol.


Well I own one of each so...lol. Actually I own 2 V8s, a V6, and an I4. Now if it could stay warm enough for my to do the 3800SC swap into the damn 95 Z26. lol


I've been thinking about getting a 3-cyl 5-speed to use as a go-kart. lmao
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My cars:

1999 Chevrolet Camaro SS (PC'd)
1994 Chevrolet Beretta Z26 Q4 (W41 M90'd)
2004 Chevrolet Silverado 2500 (4WD)

My wife's cars:

1971 Dodge Charger SE (stock and original 383 auto)
2004 Subaru Impreza WRX (kid-hauler)
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