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Old 07-27-2004, 12:51 AM   #1
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My life is over.

Well, for some strange reason, I have until today suffered under the dilusion that McDonald's would be a novel place to work. Today I had my "orientation", at which time I travel to some distant restaurant and sit in their basement by the freezers and fill out my tax papers. Sound like hell? You can only imagine.

After completing my forms for taxation, I was given my Golden Arches attire. It's a nasty little tan, button-down dress shirt with a gay, little "M" on the chest pocket. Of course, I have to have solid black shoes, so I figured that Payless would have the nasty little sneakers I was looking for. Did they ever. Not a large selection, mind you. A variation on the same nasty shoe. You know the type- old folks wear them with suits to the 4:30 Early Bird Blitz at Denny's? Well, mine are the just about the ugliest things you couldn't imagine. Velcro. Yes, I said velcro. I suppose my sick fascination with velcro shoes goes back to my depravation of velcro as a child. Mother would never let me buy the velcro tennishoes- the real cool ones. You know, the ones with the lights in the rubber soles and Rubber Power Rangers on the side? Nevertheless, she contended that velcro shoes were the type of shoes that retards wore. Far be it from me to want to be a retard, I gave in and accepted the fact that I would be relegated to lace-up shoes for the remainder of my k-3 career. I suppose my refusal to learn how to tie shoes until the age of 8 resulted in my passive resisted against laces, ultimately in my quest for the velcro shoe.

Now I know why she'd never let me buy them. I'm clodhopping them right now as I write- in fact, I'm wearing my whole fancy Golden Arches getup. (It's in a hopeful, yet most likely futile attempt to trick myself into believing that the outfits are in fact uber-stylish and that they won't be an endless source of ridicule.) I have to wear this out in public tomorrow. At least people can respect my tie. It's a clip-on. That's respectable, isn't it? I think it's rather a good idea, for everyone who doesn't know how to tie a tie (like myself). Yes, I admit it. At the hallow age of sixteen, I still refuse to learn how to tie a tie. You'd think that I'd break down and learn how to tie a knot every eight years (i.e. shoes at 8, tie at 16, noose at 24 if I'm still working at McDonald's...), but it all goes back to my depravation from velcro. And now I have it. And all I want to do is know how to tie a tie and return these damned, nasty-ass shoes to Payless and get back my $19.99! I bought a belt there, too. It looked plenty cheap, and I certainly couldn't have told you it cost any more than it's far fetched asking price of $12.99.... So I got that one, too! And guess what. Payless sucks. I hate the shoes- not only are they balls to the walls ugly, but they make my feet sweat like whoa. And, just when I really needed my luck to turn around, Payless came through for me by selling me a belt too large to fit through conventional belt loops. No wonder they sell close-out shoes and the like. BECAUSE THEY SUCK! Silly me for not realizing that the shoe world's veritable lepers are sent for their undeserved second chance to Payless.

And my outfit. My whole ensemble, when assembled to the best of my velcro-wearing capability, reminds me of some trashy white man with a mullet who's a McDonald's lifer and has been a "crew member" so long, that he has taken his salary from $5.75 all the way up to.... $11.50 or so, by which time Corporate McDonald's has convinced you of the fact that there is no life better than the one you strive to escape at McDonald's, as well as convincing you that that creepy petafile-type clown, Ronald, is the only one left that you can truly count on. That is what my outfit reminds me of. The velcro. The clip-on tie. The polyester shirt that's too small. The sand-paper, pleated black pants from hell. THE VISOR I DO NOT YET HAVE!!!! All in all, my getup has me thinking of nothing other than, "Smile is the universal greeting. Older stock goes out first. One napkin per order item + one extra. If no drink is specified, suggest a Coke. Quitting McDonald's is not at all what you want to do. All bags are to be placed in dispenser with the flap up and exposed. 15-25 seconds for a runner order preperation time. Kill yourself before it's too late. Is one ranch sauce enough for your Chicken Select Strips?"

I haven't even worked my first real day and I already want to quit. I just have to keep in mind that I'm doing this for my car. It's all for my car. ALL FOR MY CAR! THE VELCRO AND POLYESTER AND NAPKINS AND BIG MAC SAUCE ARE ALL FOR MY CAR!!!!

Sorry for the rant. I figured yall'd like to get a laugh at the expense of my poor existence.

"Treat man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"A man's health can be measured by which he takes two at a time-- pills or stairs." ~ Joan Welsh
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Old 07-27-2004, 12:59 AM   #2
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All for a good cause
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Old 07-27-2004, 01:05 AM   #3
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Wow I needed. I just turned down a job today (what was I thinking) Feel kind of blue about it. This thread made me feel better, sorry you feel bad Pat.......... this also gives me a chance to use this saying:

"Would you like fries with that?" j/k bro. Hope it all works out
Here's my Website: Voda's Webpage It is in dire need of updating.
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Old 07-27-2004, 01:23 AM   #4
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Just keep in mind why you are working and you will be fine. Good luck with the polyester and Payless shoes
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Old 07-27-2004, 01:40 AM   #5
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Everyone starts somewhere...I assure you, you will come away in the least with humorous memories from working at McDonald's. It's not as bad as you think. Your friends will show up and expect some know they will. And if they get to laugh all the way to the's cash flow!

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Old 07-27-2004, 03:11 AM   #6
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ouch...have you seen the movie Super Size Me? if you did it would make you want to quit McDonald's in a flash...but hey, its for a good cause! just keep with it and you'll end up making the $$.

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Old 07-27-2004, 04:49 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Voda48

"Would you like fries with that?" j/k bro. Hope it all works out

Kinda like the one for my job...

"Paper or Plastic?"

Ahh yes, being a bager for a supermarket. Is there anything worse? (well, by the first post in this thread, YES!) Don't feel so bad man. Maybe you'll end up like me and be able to up your status in no time. I've been a bagger for maybe 3 weeks now, and I soon might just be a Stocker. That's an extra quarter an hour and all I work is 5-10/10:30 (depending on the truckload).

In the good words of Tupac Shakur, "you got ta keep ya head up."
My cars:

1999 Chevrolet Camaro SS (PC'd)
1994 Chevrolet Beretta Z26 Q4 (W41 M90'd)
2004 Chevrolet Silverado 2500 (4WD)

My wife's cars:

1971 Dodge Charger SE (stock and original 383 auto)
2004 Subaru Impreza WRX (kid-hauler)
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Old 07-27-2004, 01:39 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Satty101
In the good words of Tupac Shakur, "you got ta keep ya head up."
Amen. That man was a lyrical genius
Here's my Website: Voda's Webpage It is in dire need of updating.
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Old 07-27-2004, 02:42 PM   #9
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Ouch man, but it's all for a good cause. As for the tie? I didn't learn how to tie one untill 18, that was sad. =P

Man, my first job sucked, I worked as a dishwasher in a big restaurant. The pay was wicked nice, but I couldn't stand the job. (Starting pay for dishwasher was 11.50/hr + 1.50 hr end of the year bonus, came out to like 800.00 bucks cash, hell yeah!) Anyways, it was the worst job I ever worked. 13 hour days, being slopped with all sorts of crap ass food. There were stations,
Unloading Dishes- Burn your hands, and push a big ass cart 1600+ plates on it through large crowds
Dish pit- It was called a dish pit because that's what it was. Dishes and all the slop on them were thrown in there, go in with a white shirt, come out food tie dye.
Runner- Running dishes out, best job, you could slack all day and they didn't car.
Pots&pans- If you got ahead, it was wicked nice, sat there for awhile, if you got backed up.. you were f'ed royally because small workspace.
So at anytime there were like 10 of us in there working, and it sucked. 90+ degrees all day, and it was.. horrible, except when the boss went away, and they didn't care what we did. We would each go get a pitcher and make milkshakes in them and chill out and do nothing, it was great. 13.00 an hour to eat food.. heh.. But, then there were nights were drunks would get pissed because they couldn't get in and starting breaking stuff.. and we wouldn't get home untill 2-3am because of all the work to do, and it was terrible.

Oh well.. as for working and the Mickey D's, well... car man.. think car.
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Old 07-27-2004, 03:06 PM   #10
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Ask for a McRaise
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Old 07-27-2004, 11:51 PM   #11
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Well, folks, I figured I'd update you on my life. Today was my first day at McDonald's, and what a day it was. Wake up at 8:30 and put on my hellacious uniform. I head in at 9:55, my shift starts at 10:00. Staff trainer Tia takes my papers from yesterday's orientation and files them under God knows what back in the "Manager's office"- more like a little rathole with a computer placed too high to be useable while sitting down, but too low to use while standing up.... (I suppose it works best for my store owner- she's a behemoth at a towering 4' 11'', if I had to guess. All I know is that I'd never want to try to use it at 6' 1". I pray to God that I never have to (If I did, that would mean I was a manager and then my life would not be worth living.))

So, my first order of business was having STAFF TRAINER TIA (I liken her title to something along the lines of a limited time, special-line Barbie Doll, you know, Malibu Princess Barbie, Queer-as-a-3-$-bill Hooker Ken, Staff Trainer Tia, you catch the drift.) give me a "tour" of the restaurant. Fascinating, the inner workings of McDonald's. It really is... Afterwards, I got stuck on the computer for E-LEARNING!!! First order of business was learning how to cook the fries on the McDonald's-sponsored trainee program. Imagine it- cartoons (who looked to have been drawn in Microsoft Paint) teaching you how to cook fries. Spend a good 45 minutes listening to the gay-little robot tell you to click next... I was ready for my break. No such luck. Finally I completed my computer education for fries, and then got stuck cooking them right as lunch time rolled around. Joy.... I've never done this before, and this fat, stumpy, little pregnant bitch-manager named Joann constantly complains about "How I've gotta speed it up if I want to get these people served..." (As if I gave two shits about whether they got their fries or not...) and complaining that "There just ain't enough fries in this box. Yur gunna have'fta get with it, son!" It gave me great pleasure to imagine stuffing a handful of fries in her fat, little mouth and telling her to shut the hell up. I'm quite positive that at least 15% of the batches of fries that I dumped in the...thing (whatever the thing is called that you dump the fries in...) were served to people without salt. Eh. They didn't look like they needed to be eating salt anyway. They deserve to die just for coming to McDonald's at all. I think they did it just so that they could drive me to a close point of insanity. Job well done, gents. Back to the frie action.

So, other than STAFF TRAINER TIA, there's staff trainer....chadwell. I know. I haven't yet coined a name for Chadwell. I was talking to my friend about my adventures at work, and ended up describing Chadwell as a, "Quaint, country bumpkin with a gay flare." He's rather questionable, and seems a bit reckless with the frie baskets. I'm salting the fries, and I give my right hand a motion ******ds, and meet with his wayward basket of freshly....fried fries. A good bit of the back of my hand is rather passable as a waffle.. You think the kid would give me a, "You okay?" or a, "Sorry, man." No. But of course not. Instead, I'm comforted by, "That's gunna leave a mark. Watch yer hand next tiiime." I wanted to say, "Thanks for caring, A$$!!! But really. I'm fine. Maybe you ought to check the fries and make sure they're okay..."

Back to my story. I suppose there isn't really much left to tell, other than what I had to do for the rest of the day. I only had one laugh today. The third e-learning session I had to do was based on these agents who are assigned a mission to report on hospitality in restaurants. They have to get this report done, or they lose their job!!! OH NO!!! So I have to do various clicking to get through it all. Well, about 45 minutes into it, Agent Proven is interviewing a McDonald's employee about "Golden Moments". Get a load of what she says,

"Erica! Hey. I just saw you give that kid special service and I needed to ask a few questions about that." I suppose that my 6th grade perversion came back to me for a moment and I just burst out in laughter... I just think it sounds like something you could expect from a trashy McDonald's employee... they've got some under-the-counter prostitution going on... ? Sounds rather shifty and all-too-possible to me... But anyway. Luckily, I'm off tomorrow. I have this training thing to do at my high school- I have to get trained on becoming a FRESHMAN MENTOR!!! Yay! It's gonna suck. I almost wish I was working. At least I'd get payed for that. Of course, I could probably scrape together more change from the floors of the school than how much I'd make at McDonald's... Sorry. I just feel glad that I, at the tender age of 16 & 2 weeks, am thoroughly jaded about this whole idea of work, and welfare doesn't seem like such a bad plan. Seems like a way to stick it to the man. This job is just one more fuel added to the burning fire of my cynicism. I've been a terrible cynic since about the age of 12. What can I say. I don't see it as cynicism, or pessimism, as much as I do realism. That's the way us Republicans kick it....

And there, is my first day at McDonald's. Will that be for here or to go?
"And, the Cobb salad you gave me didn't come with no fork."
"Sorry, kid, I didn't give you any Cobb Salad. I've been making fries all day. Besides, the forks and knives come in the little plastic bags."
"Momma says I'm s'posed to ask for mu munney back, since there was hair in herr burger."
"Tia, you do this. You're a STAFF TRAINER!"
"Depends... what does he want?"
"Their was hair in his mom's burger, there was ketchup on the BigMac, and their salad didn't come with a knife."
"Is your mom here with you?" Tia asks.
"She's out in thu carr." The little crap replies.
"Can you go get her?" Tia inquires, doing her best to remain polite.
The little crap proceeds to say, "Nope. She's sick summthin' awful, an' doesn't wanna come in hurr and make evr'body sick. So she sent me in a cuz there was hairs on her burger, and there was ke-e-e-etchup on the Big Mac, and I pacifically asked fer no ketchup, and, and, when we got ourr Cobb Salad, there wasn't no knife. There wasn't no knife, with... with the Cobb Salad!"
Tia rolls her eyes and continues, "And what did you want us to do?"
The little crap exclaims, "I alruddy said that we want our munney back!"
"Do you have a receipt?"
Little crap hands Tia a whad of a receipt, and I was tired of standing there. The infernal beeping of the french fries was about to drive me to murder, so I had to go pull those, and that's the last I knew of Little Crap and his hairy burger, not to mention his...his... COBB SALAD WITH NO KNIFE!!! (God forbid the child go without a knife for salad...)

And that is McDonald's. If you've worked there, you can sympathize with me, if you're considering a job there, you can heed my most vehement warnings, and if you'd know better than ever working there, then you can laugh at me. I'll make sure to keep you updated on how my pitiful existence carries on.

"I work with Ronald."

"Treat man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"A man's health can be measured by which he takes two at a time-- pills or stairs." ~ Joan Welsh

Last edited by Patrick : 07-28-2004 at 12:41 AM.
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Old 07-27-2004, 11:56 PM   #12
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Old 07-28-2004, 12:12 AM   #13
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My mate works in mcdonalds.. where were from its where all the lil boy racers bring there corsas novas 106s and metros with stupid cheap bodykits and rims to look real hard nut look at me im cool. burning half there tire tread off as they exit. my mate actully doesnt mind working at mc donalds and bavs rite we all have to start somewhere . i started work in halfords which sells push bikes, tents but mostly car related parts such as audio, oil, filters, suspension , exhuasts, batterys, alloys, paints you get the pic.. even some rice parts in an area called Ripspeed oohhhhh lol

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Old 07-28-2004, 01:38 AM   #14
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dont sweat it bruv! my first job was mickey D's

but if you got the inclination you'll find the cushy jobs to do.

i,e The trash walk! (1/2 hr walking round outside burning a blunt wasting time).
Poping the happy meal containers open for an hour or so up in the store room! (ahhhh! the good old store room)
prep, slicing the tomatoes and sh*t for another 1hr.

learn the system. then use it to do sod all!

I never got to do tills.(don't think they trusted me round the money)
And i sympathise with your burn man! I still got mine from 10years ago!
Oh, btw. DONT get stuck on the grill!!! If your good? they'll never let you leave!!
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Old 07-28-2004, 01:39 AM   #15
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You'll survive it man! Just be glad that your McDonalds aren't selling beer'n cigarettes like McDonalds in Germany -- seriously, it's even worse.

To pleasure up your job a lil bit: Think how fast you can supersize your guests, it's like sport, but vise-versa.

Not enough of my words to ease your hard weekdays a lil bit?

I was a bartender for nearly 12 years, 16 hours a day. I had my daily couple of pints, finally I was my best guest. The last four years I became the owner of the bar (paid it out like a credit). I was holding the whole control at the bar, me, the king of all bar flies himself. Those four years I did drinking (...oops) I mean working very hard to spend (not to save) all my money for nuthin'.

Finally it wasn't my dream to become "Moe".
I sold the bar, drunk the last remaining keg of beer for myself and went to San Francisco to recover. I left San Francisco again at that point where I realized why all the guys are so friendly to me.

I bought a computer and changed my business -- it's still hard and not at all satisfying.

I just repeat 2pac's quote once again: "you got ta keep ya head up."

Have A Drink On Me!

Last edited by lutz : 07-28-2004 at 01:42 AM.
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